Hi anita

When I initially said putting my feelings aside, I meant guilt and fear like you asked me to. If I was being objective what would my options be. But your interpretation is accurate as well. I have been putting aside specifically, her hope and desire for a better life for herself.

your parents do not give you emotional support, nor do they want it from you, best I understand. – I think this too. What I am afraid I will be taking from them is someone you cares for them. Not just in feeling but action. If my mom gets sick, my dad will not bother, she will have to take herself to the hospital and that scares me. I have thought of a solution for this. I could check in by phone every now and then and I could reach her in a couple of hours. I suppose I’m mainly scared of them having emergencies. I will think of more solutions for this.

I think that the closeness you feel to your mother is a one-sided closeness. She will be okay if you move out and live elsewhere, as long as you send her money if and when she needs it – As long as her health is good, yes, she will be fine.

I found the word I was looking for – negligence – that If I left her behind knowing how incompetent my father is, anything that goes wrong would be because of my negligence.

I do want to put my needs first. But I am the only one not doing that. And to a degree my mom doesn’t either. As I mentioned she does most of the house work, my sister and I help when we can when we aren’t working, but not always in all honesty. If even I were to leave putting myself first, she would still be left in the house doing all the work but no one to look after her. I feel like a villian when I think about doing that.

I think that the relationship between you and your mother is very common: it’s another story of one-sided love and loyalty, a story of unrequited love of an adult-child for her mother.- The reason it is not so clear with my mother is she is very push and pull. Despite being 26, I still don’t know if she loves me or not. Sometimes I feel like she cares for me and other times I don’t. I do think she has used me though. So it doesn’t matter if she loves me, I can love her too from a distance. I am just scared of causing harm to her. This is why I feel I won’t live peacefully if I leave. Not because of closeness.

Girija

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by samy.