Hi anita

When you offer to talk about anything, i will take it immediately :).

This has been on my mind today because I was on reddit and there is a forum for Indian women. One woman posted about how she had just lost her virginity and it was so simple and that she wished she hadn’t been so scared or that people didn’t make a big deal about it and that it wasn’t earth shattering. Most of the comments agreed with her and said over time with the right partner you’d learn about each other and it gets better. One comment stood out to me. The commenter described how when you have a partner that respects you and there is warmth from them, sex can get earth shattering every once in a while. I did not care about the great sex part but the way she described intimacy was so beautiful. I’m scared I will never experience that.

I have already mentioned my looks. I could better them and they will only get better to a certain point. And I know better than to put myself down for my looks or other flaws. But I am seeing myself from the eyes of men and worry that a man that I could have a great life with will not give me a chance and I was lose out on love. I understand men can have flaws too. But there are some people that are more right for each other than others. And I am afraid I won’t get to live a life with intimacy and love.

I know that love is a not a guarantee. Not always could a person statistically meet “the one”. I don’t believe in that as a perfect person but, as I mentioned, someone you could have your best life with. I hope to find love. I wish I do. But I can’t help but think the odds are against me.

Arranged marriage is a coin toss. In the patriarchial setting, a lot of men have not explored how they see women and it shows. I have spoken to 2 men so far and it seemed very transactional. But at the same time, dating is still new here, a lot of men join apps for sex and still end up going for arranged marriage. In either of these scenarios, it would be looking for a needle in a haystack. But I’m afraid my needle will jump back into the haystack after seeing or getting to know me or that I’ll never find the needle.

The dilemma is do I wait and possibly never find the needle. Will I know when I’ve found the needle? I think I will but not sure. If I wait, I will lose the prospects of finding a husband over time. I’ll probably regret not settling, if I am all alone when I am older. This has me torn.

Girija

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by samy.