Dear Javier,

yes, it’s normal to feel anger, and I would say it’s a good sign because till now you’ve been blaming yourself for everything, and saw your mother as a victim of yours. If there is now anger coming up, it might mean you’re realizing that some of the things she did were hurtful, that she wasn’t a perfectly loving mother at all times, and that there are reasons for your anger.

A child’s anger shows that his/her needs weren’t met. Your needs as a child were most certainly not met (e.g. the need for security as one of the most important ones). As part of your healing, you’ll need to get in touch with those healthy needs, and also process the anger and resentment towards your parents for not meeting those needs – your father for severely abusing you, and your mother for not protecting you from his abuse. So again, I’d say your anger is a good sign, and a necessary part of your healing journey.

Life is short, and I regret every moment I spend hating and dwelling on things from the past. I usually “run” away from these feelings, but now I’m stuck and have nowhere to hide.

We can’t heal before we feel and process all our feelings. So it’s good that you are feeling your anger and not suppressing it like before… If you work with it in therapy, it will transform into something more constructive, e.g. power and determination to take some positive action in your life.