Dear Girija:

“I think I have this fear that the ONE guy will hurt me?” – yes, but you are already hurting: we tend to be afraid of getting hurt in the same place where we are already hurting. It’s like having a foot that hurts, and not realizing that it is hurting, we are afraid that it will get hurt.

“This fear… that it might turn out wrong” – it (much of your life) already turned out wrong. It’s the same thing: we tend to be afraid that what already happened will happen.

“Firstly, there is the fear of failure but also fear of success… The fear… my fears” – you can’t think usefully or productively with so much fear. Too much fear leads to useless overthinking.

“I do need to mourn. I think I am. Not just the past but also the future” – start with mourning the past only, see how that goes and where it leads.

“I know you say I need to change my attitude…  it feels like it’s over. I am sorry for being so negative” – that’s where fear-based overthinking gets you. You are a very intelligent young woman, but fear messes with your intelligence. It’s nothing personal, that’s what fear does when it’s ongoing.

anita