Hi Anita,   This makes SO much sense. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. There is a part of me that still wants to be believed. And you’re right, I have to respect the abused girl in me. That’s the most important thing. Why do anything that sickens her? You’re right, it doesn’t matter if the visit is for a minute – the idea is to keep the little girl away. To protect her.

I think there is so much shame in this society when it comes to cutting off contact with one’s mother.  I think that’s partly why I don’t talk about it to my friends–they’re mothers and I feel like they would judge me in some way. OR like I’d be the weird girl who doesn’t talk to their mother. But it’s ok to cut off a father? Meaning, I never hear anyone shame someone for not talking to their father.

Thank you Anita for understanding. I feel like you are a safe place. I am really sorry you had to go through this too.  Your insight has really been illuminating for me. I feel guilty though, like I wouldn’t have wasted so much energy had I completely cut off contact earlier. I guess I wasn’t ready to let go of my father, and was willing to take scraps. UGH!

Pink 🙂