It would take a lot to explain. Let’s just say, I wasn’t accepted by the whole family when I was taken in. Older family members that weren’t raised with me don’t see me as part of the family.
Their views have never been challenged. I cut contact with them but I am still in contact with other family members. The family members that didn’t accept me, argue a lot with other family members about them still being in contact with me.
Also, the family members that I am in contact with have mental health issues and their own histories of abuse. They picked up some bad habits from those experiences.
Over time, after asking them to stop, they have been getting better about not yelling or swearing.
But I am ignored for a week or two weeks wjen I bring up something they did that made me feel hurt. I have also been disowned by these family members before for the same reason.
They have habits of saying one thing, then later denying they said it. And claiming not to remember what was said in situations they are upset at me for, this makes it easy for them to deny their behaviour when they don’t remember.
Sometimes people communicate poorly when they are stressed and upset others. Usually, people are supposed to apologise. But they believe because they are stressed I’m not allowed to say anything about the way I was treat until they decide they are ready to deal with it when they feel better. I am expected to defer my emotions when they have hurt me.
They often blame me for being hurt and turn around and say that I am the one at fault.
I get defensive with everyone when I feel an argument is about to develop. I feel that I can defend my boundaries a bit too much, because I am afraid of allowing myself to be abused. By this, I mean that I don’t tend to let many things slide. So if someone upsets me, they hear about it. Sometimes, when I get emotional, I share my fears and worries. That can make them feel hurt and defensive too.
I hope this explains the situation a bit better.
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