Hi Anita,

Am getting back later than I’d like to have again. A lot has changed since we last spoke. Although I’ve been consistent with work and have caught up financially, it has become so stressful. I’m working in a call center. The pain I feel and sense here is extreme. People intentionally triggering people all day long like a zoo! I’m sorry if I seem more angry than usual. But I have had it. I’m overwhelmed. I am burned out. I don’t have much enjoyment in my life. It is just work work and healing. I feel so alone again.
Last night I made a decision to email my ex.
I simply asked if he would like to have dinner and that I needed a hug so tight.
He replied that he would love to do so and would be completely ok with holding me as long I needed but that he had to be upfront that he was in a relationship. He did not want to be a liar again.

Now I 100 percent know this is a red flag but we emailed back and fort a bit more and just thinking about him holding me makes my body calm and my heart warm. I’m so tired of being alone. And every time I try to do something in connection it back fires. I have so much built inside because it’s always just me.

Please help me organize these feelings somewhat.

I have all this time never stopped to speaking to someone who hurt me so badly. Could there be any good come from this? I don’t trust my recent decision making.