Dear Anita,

Thank you for your advice. Somehow I became so calm right now…..I hope I didn’t turn cold-hearted. I still care about her. Could someone change moods so quickly?

And yeah, she’s really thoughtful and honest. She likes helping people in need and sometimes, I think she puts their needs above her. I’ve seen it. I felt, tbh, a little sad but I never forced her to do anything against her will as I want to be equal and not become a control freak.

I remember telling her that if she somehow wants nothing to do with me (regardless of the cause), just tell me straight and I won’t bother her anymore.

She has never replied to that.

That was just my suggestion as I don’t wanna be anyone’s burden or cause of stress. And I definitely don’t wanna waste either my time or my girlfriend’s. But I notice I grew up a lot in this relationship since I deleted my Tinder account just to keep myself from ruining my chance with my gf by fooling around. Also, I realized that this relationship may be a wake-up call so that I won’t be messing around with people’s hearts.

My gf and my friends said I have that fuckboy vibe. Idk what makes them think so

Also, lots of people, when they break up relationships, try to do it gently, or gradually, so that the other person doesn’t get devastated or angry, sometimes giving the other person false hope. The thought in doing so is something like this: a man who is completely rejected is an angry man who may hurt me or hassle me; a hopeful man= no anger, no hassle.

I hope she doesn’t think of me that way (I would hurt her in anger). I have never tried to hurt any ex of mine as I believe that if we’re not meant to be, our love won’t last. I still actually talk about problems we have with my exes as friends.

I do notice that I am liable to be rational and focus on the details. So everything someone says to me will be carefully analyzed (including my GF’s talk to me)

“I remember her mom told her to find a nice, loving man as her father used to be harsh to her mom” – but she had a relationship with a man who “physically and mentally abused…  hurt her”, and a woman who was also harsh (?) Maybe she is attracted to harsh men/women, hoping to change them into nice, loving people

I hope I can help her or she can realize that being involved in violent/ abusive people isn’t good. The only thing I remember about my parents’ breakup is that I would defend my mom when my dad tried to abuse her, which includes times that I had to fight him for physically abusing my mom. However, I have never hurt a girl physically as I was taught that is a sign of cowardice.

Thank you for making me realize so much about my circumstance, Anita.