@Peter

My husband was the one who introduced me to Buddhism. He has been blessed to meet many teachers. The most accomplished teacher he worked with was able to experience thought for only 20% of the day.

Often, my husband says if we were meant to be monks we would have been born monks. Perhaps whatever experiences we are meant to have as laymen are enough? The lessons we experience are the ones we are meant to learn. Who is to say, maybe you will have that experience again when the time is right?

Another element of the concept of nonself might be helpful here. I believe again this is from The Heart of Buddha’s Teaching. Even anything we see is considered an illusion. What we see is light and the way our brains interpret it. Our sight is limited and the brain will take liberty to fill in the gaps. Our every day experiences as humans are considered illusionary because they are the  experiences of our bodies. If we continue before and after death, and our bodies and all the experiences that go with it die. What remains?