Dear Addy:

Mamata, Motherly Love, is a wonderful thing, oh how I wish that growing up, I could bask in motherly love, feel its warmth envelope me, protect me, keeping me safe from harm. When we think back about the mothers we had growing up, we naturally want to see her in the most positive light because we still need to bask in the light of her Mamata, if only for a moment or two. We explain away her neglectful and even abusive behaviors, assigning it to lack of education, to her difficult life and whatnot. I wouldn’t have suggested anything negative about your mother if it wasn’t for your assertion that you suffered from Childhood Emotional Neglect by both parents.

parenting for brain. com: “Child emotional neglect (CEN) is the parent’s failure to meet their child’s emotional needs during the early years. It involves unresponsive, unavailable, and limited emotional interactions between that person and the child. Children’s emotional needs for affection, support, attention, or competence are ignored… Despite the lack of overt traumatic events, experiencing emotional neglect as a child can be just as damaging as abuse​​”.

healthline. com: “Childhood emotional neglect occurs when a child’s parent or parents fail to respond adequately to their child’s emotional needs. Emotional neglect is not necessarily childhood emotional abuse. Abuse is often intentional; it’s a purposeful choice to act in a way that is harmful… Parents who emotionally neglect their children may still provide care and necessities. They just miss out on or mishandle this one key area of support”.

It is unfortunate for the human child that he/ she needs more than food, clothes, medicine when sick, and a physical shelter to protect from the weather and the cold… unfortunate for a human child that he/ she also needs to be treated… as if what he/ she feels (outside of hunger, cold and sickness) is not irrelevant.

“I also believe she taught me about being kind, honest and resilient but as human being some negative patterns do affect us more than the other when we overthink, or with some triggers so…“- teaching you to be kind, honest and resilient is a very good thing; the negative patterns she instilled in you… not a good thing. I hope you bask in the former and heal from the latter.

anita