Dear Addy:

“she just told me be silent“, “how can I heal from that?.. any things that you’re trying and it’s helpful to you?“-

-yes, healing takes not being silent anymore.

“I didn’t wanted to arguing anymore so“- don’t argue with him, but don’t be silent either. To heal, you have to assert yourself with any person who mistreats you. Let’s say that you see your father only once a week, or once a month, or even less frequently than that, but if when you see him, he still mistreats you with his uncalled for anger, be it by giving you that “dead eye”, you can’t heal if you allow this to happen. You have to either assert yourself with him (ex. saying in a firm, strong voice: stop looking at me with your angry eyes and if you can’t manage that, don’t look at me at all!– no yelling, and no arguing to follow), or you don’t see/ visit him at all.

anita