Dear Addy:

“I don’t like when people complain and not doing anything about it“- complaining about a problematic situation- which should be done within reason, not going on and on- is the beginning of doing something about it; this something is bringing up distress from under the surface to the surface. The distress needs to be brought up to the surface because the rational mind cannot solve problematic situations without being aware of the distress (if it exists) and understanding what the distress is really about.

“Mostly what I do is when I listen to (people) complain, I directly go for solutions“- before going for solutions, stop for a while and examine the distress: what is it really about?

“The thing is that one side of my action-oriented brain (is) like ‘okay, so you know now. What now? How to solve that?’…  But another side of my brain knows that these things (Like CEN) take time to heal. Taking small steps and figuring things out… One part of my brain is very impatient, and one part is patient, so that’s why I’m unsure“- if the impatient part of your brain says that there is no connection between one’s significant problematic childhood and one’s significant adult problems, it is an unwise part-brain that is hindering you when it comes to situations that do not have quick solutions.

You wrote in the beginning of your post in regard to your professional life: “I’m in Management position“- in your professional life and in your personal life, you will need to manage the impulsive, impatient, stubborn, action-oriented, instant-solutions-hungry part of your brain and limit its contribution to situations that have quick solutions.

“I have to work on my empathy skills because I’m realizing just because I’m being hard on myself, I don’t have to be hard on others. I need to be more compassionate with others and myself…. And also, lately I’m talking to myself positively instead of directly attacking myself with criticism“- maybe Addy the boy wants to complain about his father being hard on him and attacking him with criticism. Maybe the impatient part of your brain needs to be managed (sent away on a vacation for a while) while the boy is given the precious opportunity to complain. He deserves this opportunity!

anita