Dear Andypandy499,

I am so sorry for your suffering – both your illness and having been abandoned and betrayed by this woman, a woman who meant so much to you.

A long time ago I was abandoned by my first boyfriend, and I too thought that my life is over. I was crying every day, not understanding how he – who used to be so loving – could be so cruel to me. It took me 2 years to recover…

Later I’ve realized that the reason I was so incredibly hurt and incapacitated is that without him, I felt unlovable and unworthy. I also felt like an orphan, all alone in the world. What happened is that his leaving triggered my childhood wounds – primarily the wound of abandonment, and I regressed into that childlike, helpless state.

It seems to me that you too might be experiencing something similar:

I don’t think I can move on, I miss her so much that even now I still cannot focus to carry on. I have tried to hate her but I cannot. I have tried to forget and move on but she is still here, in my head when I walk down the road. It’s like a ghost of her appears next to me at places we have been and that time replays in my head and I end up crying, which can be awkward in Starbucks. I feel so hopeless.

I am willing to try anything to take away the pain and the emptiness eating me up each day.

May I ask – have you experienced abandonment in your childhood in some form? Because that might be the reason why you feel so broken now.

I wish you get to the bottom of this, and find love and hope outside of this woman who treated you so unfairly.