Dear Addy,

sorry for the late reply, I’ve had a setback with covid, and have started having sleep problems at night and headaches during the day 🙁 So I am not at my best, even though the respiratory symptoms are almost gone.

They both were supportive and trying show me the bright side. But even though I felt like I was being too much vulnerable with them and they’re kind of not that much open? But that may could be also because I told them about my complaining thing

This seems like you’re afraid of showing too much vulnerability, i.e. “weakness”, and you’re also comparing themselves to them. Like, you don’t want to seem “weaker” or “lesser” than them,  even though they were supportive and not judgmental when you shared those self-doubts with them. So maybe there’s the fear of being seen as weak by your girlfriend, and also the fear of being seen as weaker than your girlfriend. Would you say that’s true?

So, weak is bad, but weaker than is even worse?

All that can be related to the way you were brought up, and your fear of showing vulnerability/weakness both in front of your mother and father.

As for the fear of commitment, it can very well be related to the fear of emotional intimacy/vulnerability, which boils down to the fear of being seen as not good enough, as lesser than, as inadequate. Like, you don’t want a committed relationship with someone who might down the line judge you for your imperfections? Or an even deeper fear: you don’t want a committed relationship, because it would sooner or later reveal all of your (perceived) imperfections and weaknesses to the person, and you couldn’t bear that?

So maybe, your fear of commitment is the fear of being “revealed” as imperfect, weak, not good enough?

So because of this fear of commitment and etc I talked to my friends and they told to go for casual things.. And I’m still confused if that’s really for me or not because I need to feel connected as well but without too much attachment…

I wouldn’t recommend casual relationships because it’s never a solution and only causes more pain. Instead, my suggestion is to work through those fears (e.g the fear of being seen as not good enough – if that applies), and develop true self-esteem, free from the wounds of the past. And then start dating again, when you see yourself with new eyes…