Hello All.
I wanted to check in and give you an update since I last posted. Thank you again for all the guidance! It’s been very helpful. Since we’ve posted, I’ve signed a new lease and made it clear to my husband that I want to divorce and move forward.
I move into my new home jan 15th and have been very open to him about this process and my plans.
I told him right after thanksgiving and to be honest, it didn’t seem as if he took it seriously or wanted to accept it. He cried and said don’t do this and proceeded to spend the next couple of weeks “wooing” me – telling me how perfect I al, how much he loves me, etc etc

I stayed focused on moving forward and made sure not to feed into this and remained clear on my intentions. After a couple of weeks, I reiterated that this was happening and I had found a place, etc. He asked if I loved him anymore and I took the opportunity to tell him that I don’t have anything left – that I’ve been a model wife , partner for over three years and he has only continued to insult who I am, beat me up for my past mistakes and show little to zero warmth in our marriage. I told him that I’ve so much as begged him to work towards finding love for me and it hasn’t happened. I also took the opportunity to mention that I’ve now officially kindly asked you to remove the tinder app from your phone and it’s still there. I also told him that I’m not at all comfortable with the fact he still communicates with the woman he had sn affair with while beating me up over having an affair (that didn’t happen with him!).
So it felt good to express those things even though I’m very much finished with hammering all of this out as I’ve done many times in the past.
I’m writing because the most interesting aspect of this that since then he’s done nothing to respond to those concerns. Instead, that evening he acted as if the conversation never happened and instead continued to try to “woo” me romantically and play the perfect spouse by helping around house, etc.

In my opinion if he truly cared a lot looking within, proving his care and respect for me, he would have immediately responded differently by saying  something like “I’ll erase tinder now  and I’m truly sorry” or “ I can see how me speaking to my x affair would be hypocritical “

but no – he’s done nothing to dive into the real issues which tells me he has no intentions of doing so

I can say that if I truly loved someone, I’d d do what I needed to do to keep them around

in fact I did do that  for him and for myself but he’s not willing to do so

I’ve learned this is how a narcissist works now and I wish I was more aware in the beginning. I researched the term “love bombing” amx wow he fit the description perfectly. I make 80% of our income and he has always spent way too much money and been quite irresponsible with it. I won’t even go into how bad that’s been, but in the context of love bombing – I turned 50 last year and he presented me with a super lavish gift of Tiffany pearl necklace, earrings and bracelet. It was way over the top. It costs 6,000 dollars and he only makes 30k a year at the most. We are tight on money and he’s constantly beaten me up over that too. Yet he bought this gift and put it on credit paying 500 per month the next year to pay it off. That was 500 less he had to put towards our bills and it only put more stress on me to pay them. The lavish gift was the definition of love bombing and hypocritical / manipulative in so many ways
I’m focused entirely on moving forward and very much looking forward to the other side of this.