Dear SereneWolf,

well it was cold and rainy for the weekend, but now it’s cold and sunny, which is a much better option 🙂

That could be right just yesterday I watched video on LinkedIn by Simon Senek how vulnerability could the greatest power in leadership position

I like Simon Sinek, yes he talks a lot about true leadership and I think that according to him, good leadership has some components of good parenting. I remember he said “good leaders eat last”, as in taking care of your team’s needs first. In fact, I see that there’s a book of his with that title (“Leaders eat last”), but haven’t read it. In any case, Simon Sinek is definitely the person to learn from about good leadership, which includes vulnerability too.

it’s also right that creating an emotionally safe environment for your team it ain’t no easy work. But somehow, I’ll learn

No, it’s not an easy work, but it starts with you, as their leader. First you’d need to embrace vulnerability as something positive, as a virtue, not a weakness. And then you can encourage others too…

I watched the video “This is how you replace the critical voices in your head“.

Glad you watched the video! And that you’re planning to watch his video on setting boundaries too. I really like his style, he explains things so well. In fact he is an executive coach too, and I guess he too teaches vulnerability (and boundaries) to leaders as well. I am really glad to have people like him and Simon Sinek influence the business community…

Things I noticed like you said before I do have to surround myself with positive people. And I see that I do interact with positive people. Some of my friends gives me good vibes and even at work It’s going good.

from my experience most of the female friends (not gfs) that I have they’re more open and vulnerable they trust in me, empathy, communication their way to express their selves can’t be even compared with my guy friends.

Good to hear that! It’s also good that you have female friends who are open and honest with you, show empathy and don’t pretend when they communicate with you. And if they are also positive, having in general an optimistic outlook on life and are supportive when you need it – then it’s a great treasure. Those are really good, valuable friends!

As for the guys, maybe some of them are positive because they believe they have to be positive, that it’s expected of them:

The thing is that my group is always like take everything down with smile, don’t say No (Which is like my biggest problem) because we feel like we should be capable of anything, and we shouldn’t disappoint people by Saying NO.

Do you, as a team leader, never say NO to your supervisors, even though you sometimes have concerns about the feasibility of the task? Do you feel you shouldn’t disappoint your bosses, and so you accept everything, and then you and your team suffer as the result? I’m asking because I’d like to understand the dynamics…

But the thing is that people everywhere taking criticism very seriously and praise very lightly that’s what I noticed and same thing is happening with me. So I’ve decided to start new thing for my team if someone is doing better at least 3 people closest to the member and included team leader should write little handwritten note (Even if just a small sticky note) to make that person feel like that did something good and it would cheer them.

I am not sure if I understood it well: so you’re planning to introduce a system of appreciative notes – for those who are performing well, or exceeding the average performance (if someone is doing better)? Or is it for those who were criticized and have improved their performance since?

And building neuroplasticity with practice – What’s your experience with that so far?

Well, I can tell you that my inner critical voice is very silent, almost inaudible nowadays 🙂 It doesn’t mean I am not aware of my weaknesses, it’s just that I have much more compassion and understanding for myself than before. I don’t know if this would be visible in how those neurons in the brain are firing, but that’s what happened 🙂 I do still have anxiety in certain situations, my amygdala getting triggered, but it’s not related to my self-esteem. So I definitely am different than I was years ago…