Hello All.
I’m just checking in as it’s therapeutic to just type things out during this journey. I will be packing my things the day after Christmas.
my daughters will be at their grandparents with their Dad for a couple of days so I can start taking things to the new home then I plan to tell them when they return. That way their Christmas isn’t ruined! My x husband and I (the father of my children) are on friendly greens so we have been able to communicate and make a plan.
in the meantime, my current husband (that I’m divorcing) is still largely in denial and trying to woo his way out of this. He is making a plan to move out but he’s still trying to hold a narrative that we are just separating when I’ve made it clear thars not the case. Because the kids are still in the home and they don’t know what’s going on, I’m making a point to not ruffle feathers so it makes it mentally stressful.
I’m handling it but his reaction to this is a testament to the problems he has.
On another note, the main reason I’m writing is that I had a breakthrough yesterday and was able to confirm something I’ve suspected all along. As I told you, I had an affair at the end of my first marriage that I deeply regret – and my current husband has spent the last two years making me feel like a horrible person for something I did when he wasn’t around. As you may recall, he to carried on an affair in his first Marriage and this whole time has claimed that it was an “open affair” and that everyone knew about it, including his first wife. He went so far to tell me that his first wife was “fine” with it and knew it was going on and that it was justified because he was lonely in the marriage and his first wife had “checked out”. I’ve never been comfortable with this narrative and knew in my gut this was a lie. Over the past two years, I’ve given him multiple opportunities to be honest about this and he’s only gotten defensive maintaining the story. I’ve told him that I don’t judge him for having the affair, that my problem has always been that you’ve denied any moral responsibility for it and continue to do so in light of abusing me mentally over mine.
I confirmed yesterday that in fact his first wife did not approve of it and that she caught word of it when they were married and was NOT ok with it.
so in my opinion this is a HuGE lie / deception on his part. It’s so incredibly abusive In my opinion to carry on this narrative with me for years all the while beating me up – and denying it multiple times when I lovingly gave him chances to face it and be honest.
Im moving forward of course but these are just things I needed to know personally so I’m glad I found out.
I’d love feedback on this as to me this is a huge deception.
I don’t plan on bringing this up with him right now as it’s the holidays and I’ve got to focus on the kids. But when I’m moved out I plan to tell him at the right time.
thanks to you all.