Dear SereneWolf,

yes, hypothyrodism and Hashimoto have similar symptoms and the same treatment (hormone supplementation), but it’s still good to know what exactly the diagnosis is, and how your thyroid looks like. For example, an acquaintance of mine has hypothyroidism because his thyroid is physically too small. He doesn’t have Hashimo (i.e. the structure of the gland is fine), but it is simply too small to produce enough hormone. And so he needs to take supplementation.

Yes so I’m trying to erase that engraved thing. I literally had a dream like a week ago before my parents planning to visit, and I was anxious what’s going to happen. But thankfully everything went well.

 Yes [you fear you’d disappoint them]. Like even for little things sometimes

It seems to me you’re still trying to meet their expectations, and you might still fear their judgment. You said earlier that they approve of the field of work you’ve chosen (IT industry). But had you chosen something else, they might not approve of it, because you said they do make comments about other young people from your place of origin choosing the “wrong” path.

So their judgmental attitude hasn’t disappeared, it seems to me, but it’s not currently pointed against you, because you’re meeting their expectations (finishing your bachelor’s degree and planning to enroll an MBA). But should you fail, or do things slower than expected, perhaps you fear they would judge you again?

Another option is that they really stopped being judgmental (which in my opinion is a less probable option), and your fear of not meeting their expectations stems only from the past.

But even if they aren’t judgmental any more, it is your inner critic that is judging you for not being good enough, for not meeting your own expectations as quickly as possible. Here is an example from your other thread, where you said that you fear you’re not learning fast enough:

I’m in competitive environment like where all people like, Grow this metrics, learn this, learn that skill we’re fast pacing company and etc.. so all this fast learning maybe making me feel very competitive and that’s why inside my head I be like I do have to be better otherwise I’d be behind like before.. so it’s that fear

It’s a pressure – coming from your inner critic – to perform better, quicker, faster… not only in the technical skills but also in the soft skills. You’ve asked me in your latest post how to learn the soft skills methodically (how you’re noting things down? For Learning in general. I’m thinking about creating the new framework for learning for kind of the soft skills and things I have to work on…). You also said that this pressure to learn new things as quickly as possible overwhelms you (I do feel overwhelmed sometimes).

It’s really commendable that you’re so enthusiastic about learning, and specially learning the soft skills and being as good a leader as possible. And I am impressed by your willingness to learn and implement new things. However, I think that a part of your motivation comes from the feeling of not being good enough, i.e. the inner critical voice is pushing you to master all these skills as soon as possible. Which is making you feel overwhelmed and lagging behind.

So there’s a healthy drive for learning, it seems to me, and an unhealthy drive as well. The latter stems from a feeling of lack, not being good enough, and not wanting to be a failure. In other words, it seems to me that a part of your motivation for learning stems from not wanting to disappoint your parents. Would you say that’s true?