Dear SereneWolf,

yes I’ve been to the doctor. I’ll have to go to physical therapy and hopefully that should help… it’s not that simple, but I am hoping that physical therapy will relieve the symptoms.

Yes I strongly believing in creating in my own path instead of walking on others path that they’ve created. doesn’t matter how great they were

Good! Excellent approach!

But I’m telling you, you can try with very small things first. Maybe it would be helpful for your anxiety.

In fact, I am trying do something that makes me very anxious with respect to my career. But still, I want to try…

Yes but it doesn’t mean like It was only pretending and nothing else. Thing is that she had some expectations from me, Which indeed wasn’t wrong. She was insecure so…
And in my previous relationship I didn’t pretend anything and mostly said how it is and maybe sometimes brutally honest which I guess may have hurt her in some way as well but yeah.

Good that you haven’t pretended that much in your 2nd relationship. But you’ve mentioned that she saw you as quite critical, pushing her to do things quicker and faster (perhaps similar to how you’ve been pushing yourself?). And you were impatient because she wasn’t following your suggestions? Perhaps in your “brutal honesty”, you were lacking compassion? Again, lack of compassion for both yourself and for her as well?

Hmm I think that’s super helpful. Thanks! This would be really helpful for me on how much should I open up in relationships

You’re welcome! Yes, take is slowly, step by step, and see what response you’re getting…

Yes I got your point. I have to work on this first. And I believe for my pattern there was mainly fear of commitment involved as well. But what I’m saying is that if it’s my fear of commitment then I’m not even looking for a commitment. I’m not that much old to look for a commitment either.

I got you. You fear commitment… do you think it’s because you never want to get  married (because it seems like a burden, loss of freedom, or something similar), or you don’t want to get stuck with someone who’s not right for you?

Another thing is that there are probably woman like me who’s also have fear of commitment as well.. Then instead of just focusing on fear (Which I have to I know, and it does take time) why not just go with the flow and learn that way?

So you want to be in a non-committed, casual relationship with someone who is afraid of commitment like you are? Someone who won’t force you to commit, but will just enjoy the time spent together but not want deeper (emotional) intimacy?

I mean, you can do that, I am sure, but how fulfilling will it be? And what will you learn that way? In my opinion, getting into casual relationships can cause more trouble than good, so I wouldn’t use it for learning. Because it may come with a price, of being heart-broken, or even getting an STD (sorry for being “brutally honest”).

So I wouldn’t take that route, but would rather take the lessons you’ve learned so far, and try to do it differently next time: take things slow, step by step. Open up with one vulnerable thing, and see how she reacts. Be more compassionate both toward yourself and towards her… So, apply the things that we’ve talked about already.