Anita,

My mother mocking me, abusing me for so many years, created much anger in me, a hardness (lack of softness), great suspicion of people, focusing on the negatives in people’s words and behaviors. All these reactions to my mother’s abuse need to be further undone. I need to become Softer, and interestingly, Softer is Stronger.

This is my worst problem I think.. Since reading on bpd but also earlier, I knew I was focusing on negatives. I could be talking for someone for an hour and get stuck on some suspicious word, tone, whatever.. and obsess about it. Good I know it’s not real, I know I imagine this, but there were times I didn’t know that, not that long ago. I fear it may be never ending, I could fight it and it will sneak on me again..  But I focus on successes, even small ones, like you always say. I am aware of this and working on it.

Anita, could you elaborate on this one “hardness (lack of softness)”? Not sure I understand. Is it being too harsh, insensitive? I am thinking about my own behavior and that’s how I see it: me being sometimes too.. sarcastic maybe, not very nice. I noticed it when texting with someone when I start typing some answer right away and hesitate and delete because I think ” it’s not very nice”. That’s why I think my fear of offending people is sometimes justified.