Hey Tee,

My relationship with Mum was never negative. I use to feel like she didn’t love me at times when I was younger but it was like you said, I didn’t want to disappoint her and she was only wanting the best for me. Nowadays our relationship is great but it was never really bad or toxic.

I don’t remember trying to save people when I was younger, it could be I was trying to save myself through intimate partners? It did make me feel good knowing I have someone close in that sense.

She needed up messaging me. She said things along the lines of.
The fact that when I feel like that my thoughts are so fast and irrational my body can’t keep up with it. The fact that I’ll blame someone else and end up hurting them for no reason just because I let it out.
She says she feels too messed up that why would anyone want to be close by when she can try keep the peace by doing it herself. Conflicting thoughts again.
Talking about her own issues and she doesn’t want to do damage to others. She obviously cares for me but is she trying to make me pity her? I’m not sure. She does want me in her life and told me that talking to me matters a lot to her which is confusing. She is also confused.

Yes this girl was never too much for me despite all her issues. Where as the others I wanted to get away from and didn’t really feel like helping. I was new to relationships and I think I wasn’t mature enough about them myself. So I saw it as too much and that we weren’t compatible.