Dear Caroline,

It’s a very good, uncomfortable at times, but good feeling to be able to understand my emotions.

I am glad you now understand better what happened in the situation with your ex, and why you reacted the way you reacted…

none of us helped each other. We just abandoned each other, and were as far as we could be.

I think this is very true. It’s the summary of what happened… you see it very well.

It gave me satisfaction to hurt her. I am very embarrassed to admit it but it’s true. And I regret it.

It’s okay. It happens, we make mistakes. But it’s good you’re seeing it now. You see and understand that you loved her, but also felt hurt by her, and it caused you to hurt her back.

If you want to process it, you can write a letter to her (my advice is still not to send it), and express all of your feelings: both love and hurt, and anger and hatred. And then apologize for hurting her, for revenging instead of admitting that you were hurt and that you needed her to care about you more.

Yes, I think so. She wanted to but couple of times I did not. And now we kind of stopped doing this. And now it became more like.. making a fool of myself when I say or try anything. Maybe she thinks the same.

Okay, so your girlfriend was interested in something more exciting, but you weren’t at the time. Could you initiate it this time? Give her a clue that you’re interested?

So I assume, Tee, you think nothing good would come of from texting her? I should just focus on my relationship because probably my obsession has nothing to do with my ex girlfriend..

I think that unless you’re prepared to face upheaval in your relationship (and possibly your life) once the cat is out of the bag… don’t reach out.

You said you don’t want to jeopardize your relationship – that would be reason No1 why not to reach out. You also said your ex is probably not stable (still using drugs?) – that would be reason No2.

So to go for it just to have some fun, I think it’s too big of a price to pay….

If you do care about your current girlfriend and don’t want to jeopardize the relationship, try to introduce some fun into the relationship again. And separately process the emotions you had with your ex. At least that’s what seems to me as the best course of action…