Hi Tee,

Hope you’re having a good weekend.

So it’s like there is a real reason why I am concerned about my health, but still, I don’t need to worry that much. This excessive worrying is a part of health anxiety, and luckily I am learning how to deal with it and calm myself down.

I see what you mean I understood it now. But I’m glad you’re able to deal with it now. I guess this also involves some grounding practice?

Yes, they both are super important sectors, and sustainability is close to my heart too. It’s good that you’re looking for jobs in fields that are meaningful to you!

Me too. and when I gather enough capital, I want to start some good sustainability startup for sure. That’s one of my goals.

I understand that you really want this job. And the pressure to get it. But unfortunately it increases your anxiety, which then makes it harder during the interview. Perhaps the first thing you’d need to do it put the perfectionist pressure off yourself: “I Need to ace all of this interviews.”

No, you don’t need to ace them. You don’t need to be perfect, which was the requirement your father has put on you. You only need to be yourself – which is GOOD ENOUGH.

Because honestly, without flattering you, Serenewolf, you are good enough. You are more than qualified, you have the experience, the knowledge, the managerial skills, and emotional intelligence as well. You’ve got both the tech skills and the soft skills. So really, I think you’re a well-rounded candidate with a lot to offer.

Please think of yourself in those terms. You’ll be a great asset for them, they’ll be lucky to have you. You’ve got a lot of offer. Try to think in those terms.

Again Thanks for giving me amazing and touching reminders about myself. I do tend to forget my own self worth or what I’m able to provide or achieve. I believe Long term of inner  critic have to do something with that or maybe something else. My soft skills have indeed improved much better as well as technical skills and top of that I’m so adaptable to learn new things. The first company I worked for I literally learned everything under a week. Even though I was a total fresher at that time.

Yeah, keep your focus on your job for now. You can return to the relationship topic later. But also, if you can relax a bit and see yourself as a great candidate for the job (like I suggested above), you don’t need to worry that much. Just change the perspective a little, and you won’t be under such huge pressure.

Yes you’re right I’m trying to change my perspective but after getting many rejection emails it’s not that easy you know

I’ve heard once that excitement and anxiety are very similar in terms of the hormones that are secreted. I’ve just looked it up now and found a Forbes article about it, titled “Anxiety vs relaxation: Relabeling anxiety as excitement“. Here is an excerpt:

The feeling of anxiety is physiologically almost the same as the feeling of excitement. Both feelings produce an elevated heart rate and a feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Both might make you sweat. Your body is readying itself for action. But the feelings are different.

If you can redefine getting this job as an opportunity and challenge, rather than a horrible loss if it doesn’t happen, you might be able to feel more excitement and less fear and anxiety. Anyway, just an idea. Let me know how it sounds to you.

That’s a really insightful advice indeed! Thanks for sharing. I love it 😀

I think it has to do with your childhood experience of not feeling safe and accepted in the relationship with your parents (specially with your father). Relationship and vulnerability feels like a burden, perhaps even a threat, rather than a source of comfort and safety. From what we’ve talked about so far, relationship feels like a threat to your independence, freedom, life goals, pursuing your passions… Am I right in thinking that? And as long as you see relationship as a threat, no wonder you’ll be afraid of it.

Recently I’m not seeing relationship as a threat. But more like what if after that much invested time and emotions what if it doesn’t work out? So it’s a fear like this. Because there’s another thing Now I know I can find someone who understand me and we have similar life values and enjoy time together even in silence. (Not easy but not that hard) and don’t get me wrong I try to be positive for love but the thing is still if I read or see something around like Breakup or cheating or hear some things like that from someone I’m immediately somewhat feeling like I’m saved. Because I’m not committed, I don’t have to deal with those things.
Just recently one of my friend’s bf ended relationship with her saying that he doesn’t love her anymore and ended a 7 YEARS long relationship. So hearing things like this how can I be even little hopeful?

You mean you need to repeat everything about yourself to the new therapist, until they get to know you?

Yes and you already know how much harder it is for me express myself properly

She does sound like a very kind and supportive person, who is willing to help in spite of her health issues. That’s admirable. I understand why you don’t want to switch to someone else. Let’s hope she will get better soon. By the way, does she have a diagnosis of what her eye problems are?

She have some kind of retinal condition. So it’s advised to her that she should spend much less screentime as possible to prevent further damage and sometimes she’s also getting migraines as well so

Sure, yes, a good therapist is first and foremost a positive, compassionate presence in our life. Someone who listens to us without judgment. Someone we can be authentic with. Therapeutic relationship is important precisely because of that. Because a therapist ideally creates a safe, non-judgmental place for us to express ourselves, to be ourselves. Something many of us didn’t have while growing up. In doing so, the therapist also teaches us to create that safe place within ourselves: our internal good parent, or Uncle Iroh or Lord Krishna.

And you succeeded in creating that safe space within yourself, because as you say: And that’s why I’m blaming myself much less than I used to.

And because of that, yes, it’s easier to do self-healing too, because you have your own inner therapist now. The inner critic is still there, but Uncle Iroh is there too, and that’s so precious!

Haha well tbh it what keeps me sane time to time. Because I’ve been situations that normal person just couldn’t even bare. And even in that kind of time I was able to be calm and tell myself it’s alright, Breathe. I can solve it. I can handle this.
And sometimes even like just surrendering myself for like total hope. Like no matter what it’ll be alright. I survived lot of things and I’ll survive this and succeed. And lot of times it actually worked without even putting too much effort. Can you imagine?

Thank you, SereneWolf. I think you’ve made an amazing progress. I remember in the beginning you didn’t want to accept that our childhood has a huge impact on us as adults 🙂 but then you kind of “got it”, and that’s when you really went deeper and expanded your self-awareness. That’s when you decided to start therapy too… All that helped you to have much more compassion and understanding for yourself. And I hope you do feel better about yourself in your day-to-day life, without too much self-blame and self-criticism?

You still have work to do related to the fear of relationship, but you’ll get there. Right now, focus on feeling good enough for the job you’re applying for. Because as I said, you’re more than good enough. Just try to get your confidence up, feeling good in your own skin, and I promise you, you’ll ace that interview, without even trying to do it 😀

Oh haha I remember I was being stubborn about it but thanks again for always being understanding, guiding me and supporting me. I highly appreciate it. And yeah I do think I’m much self-aware than before. And I do feel much better about myself than before definitely. I’d say Self-blame is totally gone but yeah some self-criticism is still there.

Yes I know I have to work on my fear of relationship because I know I have so much love to give.
Yes. I’m already practicing for an interview. Thanks a lot for your good wishes! I feel much better. 🌻😃