Hi SereneWolf,

Hope you’re having a good weekend.

It’s more rainy than I’d fancy, but it’s okay, it’s good for the plants and crops 🙂

I see what you mean I understood it now. But I’m glad you’re able to deal with it now. I guess this also involves some grounding practice?

Yes, although with health anxiety it’s tricky because the pain is in the body, so sometimes it’s triggering to focus on one’s body and feel all the various sensations (which is a typical exercise for grounding), because then you’ll feel the pain too, and it’s counterproductive. So for me, it is more like self-suggestion and telling myself that I am stronger than I think, and that the last time the pain went away, so it will happen this time too.

Me too. and when I gather enough capital, I want to start some good sustainability startup for sure. That’s one of my goals.

Great! I am rooting for you to make it happen!

Again Thanks for giving me amazing and touching reminders about myself. I do tend to forget my own self worth or what I’m able to provide or achieve. I believe Long term of inner critic have to do something with that or maybe something else.

You are very welcome. Yeah, self-worth is key, and that’s what gets damaged when we have a criticizing parent. Your father made you believe you’re not good enough (when you didn’t get straight As, when you didn’t get him the right tool immediately, and in many other occasions throughout your childhood), and so that’s what you started believing about yourself too. And it takes a long time and healing to undo that false belief…

My soft skills have indeed improved much better as well as technical skills and top of that I’m so adaptable to learn new things. The first company I worked for I literally learned everything under a week. Even though I was a total fresher at that time.

I am glad you’re aware of your skills, and how capable you are of learning new things, adapting, and thriving in a new setting. So yeah, don’t forget that. And indeed, that you’re an asset and have a lot to offer.

Yes you’re right I’m trying to change my perspective but after getting many rejection emails it’s not that easy you know

I know, rejection after rejection makes one wonder: maybe I am really not good enough. But I think that for you, who already have a tendency to believe that you’re not good enough, rejection only confirms that false belief. So it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Next time if you get a rejection (I hope you won’t! but nevertheless), try not to see it as a “proof” that you’re not good or worthy enough. Think of it as “okay, they need someone with a different profile”. Or even “maybe I am too good for them, they need someone with less experience, who they can easily adapt to their own needs”. What I am trying to say is don’t immediately make the worst possible conclusion about yourself. Don’t question your worth, even if a company rejects you!

That’s a really insightful advice indeed! Thanks for sharing. I love it

You’re welcome. I like it too!

Recently I’m not seeing relationship as a threat. But more like what if after that much invested time and emotions what if it doesn’t work out? So it’s a fear like this. Because there’s another thing Now I know I can find someone who understand me and we have similar life values and enjoy time together even in silence. (Not easy but not that hard)

First, I am happy if you started believing that you can find someone compatible, someone you can enjoy time together even in silence. That’s so precious! And if this girl is in that category, you’re lucky.

and don’t get me wrong I try to be positive for love but the thing is still if I read or see something around like Breakup or cheating or hear some things like that from someone I’m immediately somewhat feeling like I’m saved. Because I’m not committed, I don’t have to deal with those things.

It sounds like the fear of getting hurt, once you’ve given your heart to someone. When we love, we are vulnerable. We’ve talked about vulnerability before. Without vulnerability, there is no healthy relationship. There is no authenticity. But you fear to be vulnerable because if we’re hurt by someone we love and trust, it hurts a lot. It hurts like hell.

And you’ve already experienced this pain in your childhood: you’ve opened your heart and trusted your parents, and they’ve hurt you. Specially your father. And it happened again and again. So for you, being vulnerable and needing someone is a big no-no. Super scary. You want to prevent to be hurt again. Would you agree with this?

Just recently one of my friend’s bf ended relationship with her saying that he doesn’t love her anymore and ended a 7 YEARS long relationship. So hearing things like this how can I be even little hopeful?

There are no guarantees in life. And no absolute security. When I get out in the street, who guarantees me that a brick won’t fall on my head? That I won’t be hit by a car? If we lived like that, we wouldn’t live at all.

But still, in a relationship, you can know if someone is trustworthy. It’s not so completely random. Because the person has a track record or supporting you and being there for you. If you marry someone, you don’t marry them at a whim, but because you’ve got to know the person. You’ve been vulnerable with them, and they’ve been vulnerable with you. And when problems arise, you communicate about it, you don’t pretend that everything is fine.

All this is still not a guarantee of “living happily ever after”, but it gives you a certain certainty, a higher probability of things working out.

You know what they say: nothing is ever certain in life, only death is. But within that general uncertainty, you can still count on some people and trust them – because they have proven themselves as trustworthy.

She have some kind of retinal condition. So it’s advised to her that she should spend much less screentime as possible to prevent further damage and sometimes she’s also getting migraines as well so

Retina is super important… I do hope she gets better. There are also vitamins she can take, to strengthen the retina, but I guess she knows all that…

Haha well tbh it what keeps me sane time to time. Because I’ve been situations that normal person just couldn’t even bare. And even in that kind of time I was able to be calm and tell myself it’s alright, Breathe. I can solve it. I can handle this.

Great! Were they physically dangerous situations (like watching the lioness give birth in the jungle), or other types of situations?

And sometimes even like just surrendering myself for like total hope. Like no matter what it’ll be alright. I survived lot of things and I’ll survive this and succeed. And lot of times it actually worked without even putting too much effort. Can you imagine?

You see how much hope (and trust) you had, even in dangerous, possibly life-threatening situations? I guess you had trust in yourself and your own abilities, and in providence, right?

At the same time, you are scared to trust another person. I am not judging you at all, just inviting you to notice it. You’re scared to trust because you’ve been hurt in your childhood. So trust in relationships is gone. Trust in nature (and your own abilities) is still there, but trust in another person is gone.

Oh haha I remember I was being stubborn about it but thanks again for always being understanding, guiding me and supporting me. I highly appreciate it. And yeah I do think I’m much self-aware than before. And I do feel much better about myself than before definitely. I’d say Self-blame is totally gone but yeah some self-criticism is still there.

You are very welcome, SereneWolf. It’s been great to support you on your journey and see you shed that self-criticism and drill sergeant mentality bit by bit 🙂 I am happy for you and I am glad you’re feeling better.

Yes I know I have to work on my fear of relationship because I know I have so much love to give.

Yes you do. You’d only have to learn how to trust again…

Wishing you best of luck on Wednesday! (but we can talk in the meanwhile too, hope my eyes wills serve me 🙂 )