Dear Stacy:

Good to read back from you! Lately, you’ve been driving your car, working 6-7 days a week so to pay for the $800 car repair bill (and the expected medical appointment bill next month). Your eating problem has been flaring up badly, making you anxious. You are still in no-contact with the guy but you follow his social media activity and read about his attachment style. The breakup is still painful and getting even more painful, and your stress level is high.

In regard to “(I) agree with what you said about no man/person being able to help me“- what I said was that no man “could have possibly given me what I needed… There was simply TOO MUCH that I was missing: a sense of self-esteem”, etc. People could have helped me, but they couldn’t have given me what I needed.

“I was determined to finally speak EVERY SINGLE feeling and concern … All this breakup has shown me was that speaking my needs gets me dumped… I am too much“- you need more than any man can give you, but you believe that he was able, if he chose to, to give you what you need, and that he is still able to. This is why you told him your every feeling and concern, similar to telling a doctor one’s every medical symptom because one believes that the doctor is able to treat the symptoms successfully.

And this is why, post breakup, you still follow him on social media, and why you’ve been reading about his attachment style, trying to understand him better, so to .. somehow bring him back to your life and give you what you need.

“It’s really hard to be hopeful that one day I will conquer any pent up trauma stored in my body if I just keep re-doing this daily. Kind of like what we talked about a month or two ago..  how the body can only handle so many cortisol spikes….my pain and grief about this has only been increasing with time.. ” I think it’s really admirable that you have finally gotten to a place where you have that balance now and feel safe with yourself and choices… I think it’s really admirable that you have finally gotten to a place where you have that balance now and feel safe with yourself and choices”-

– It’s not that I feel safe, it’s that I feel more courage than I ever did before. I want to paste here a poem about fear and courage that I found online recently:

“Fear creeps in like a thief in the night,
Stealing our courage and giving us fright,
But we must not let it take control,
For in our hearts lies a power so bold.

It whispers in our ear, trying to deceive,
Telling us we are weak, that we can’t achieve,
But we must not listen to its lies,
For within us, a fire burns bright.

We must stand tall and face the fear,
With a courage that is so rare,
For when we defy it, we grow stronger,
And our fears become a thing no longer.

We must take a step forward, then two,
And walk towards the unknown,
For the journey ahead may be tough,
But with determination, we’ve got enough.

We must break free from fear’s grip,
And not let it hold us down with its whip,
For we are brave, we are strong,
And we have the power to carry on.

We must embrace the challenges ahead,
And not let fear fill us with dread,
For when we overcome it, we’ll be proud,
And our courage will shout out loud.

So let us all rise above the fear,
And show the world what we hold dear,
For we are not defined by what we fear,
But by the bravery that we hold near.

So let us all stand tall, with grace,
And let our courage light up the place,
For we have the power to defy the fear,
And show the world that we are here”.

Stacy, (using the words in the poem): may you discover the bold power in your heart; may you stand tall with courage so rare and light up the place; may you grow stronger, take a step forward, then two, and rise above, with determination. You have enough.

Show the world that you are here.

anita