Dear Nichole:

“Very true, the stability from my job and consistency of where I have been living have helped get me back in a better place. I had not recently thought about the correlation between the moving around I was doing and my childhood. Growing up we moved around quite a bit. Finances were not stable.  I can still get really anxious when something unexpected happens. I fear the worse. I’ll be homeless and unable to provide for myself“- this is an excellent testimony to how important STABILITY and CONSISTENCY are for a person’s mental (and physical) health. Experiencing instability and inconsistency as a child translates to excess anxiety in childhood and in adulthood.

C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S   for creating stability and consistency in your life!

“With the work I have been doing I know this to be untrue. I have, even at my most fearful, always provided for myself. In the future I would like to better my relationship with money. I would like to thrive. Nonetheless,  I am grateful for what I do have“- I remember that I was concerned, in the past, about you giving your money away to family members, such as to your younger brother. I wanted you to take better care of yourself!

“Yes, past relationships and even the most recent one created turmoil. This last man was really just a distraction from dealing with where my life was. But I was also craving male attention as I still do… I still believe in my heart that I was born to be a Mom and wife. My lifelong dream! I am 35 now, will it ever be? I have juggled with maybe it won’t. and I will have to live with that. I really just struggle to make friends or relationships. It is the trust issue. I hide myself a lot“- like I wrote above, instability and inconsistency in childhood translate to excess anxiety in adulthood, and with that excess anxiety, we are afraid to trust, we struggle to maintain relationships… and we hide.

I hope that within the next few years, you will manage to be a good wife to a good husband and a good Mom!

“I also attract similar patterns in people, but now, more than ever I feel so much more self aware about this“- awareness makes changes possible in what and who you attract and .. what and whom you are attracted to.

“Last week I started back into my new role after my voluntary demotion. It has been peaceful. I learned so much in leadership. I learned that I lead well. I lead with my heart and soul. My team loved me and I loved them… Most times I gave way too much of myself. I look forward to spending the rest of this year treating work as just work and creating a life outside of it“- imagine giving more to yourself, and then, to the right man.. and then, to your child, creating stability and consistency in your family of choice!

“Bringing me to my family.. You’re always spot on Anita! I can easily go into a nostalgic place with family. I do believe we had some wonderful times. My Father came in June, and it was great! We spent five days together. I knew better than to get attached. He struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. I know too well. He loves me when he can but he will most likely always return to his ways. I am coming to peace with this“- you knew better than to get attached to him because he loves you when he can, you wrote, meaning that his love is not stable and not consistent: it’s there at times, gone at other times.

“As for my brother, it is just simple texts. I just want peace with them. I know they cannot provide the family environment I craved for so long“- you craved for stable consistent love in your family of origin, a craving unsatisfied.

“But with my niece, this relationship is important to me. I know that she will need me in her life. She is 15 now. She will soon be heading for life’s ups and downs, as well all do as we grow up, and I want to be a wise person in her life. I love her so much. I am so happy to be in touch with her. I would love to go see her this summer“- true love of an aunt for her niece, the love of a woman for the girl you once were..?

“Yes, I wish I would have been able to apply your wonderful advice on relationships in a better way back then. I do believe I can function this way now. Mindfulness can be hard for me some times but I am starting to slow down more. I really would like to create connections that are stimulating and balanced.  I know that it begins with me. If I give/offer to much of me too fast I will likely attract people that will take quicker than I give. I look forward to slowing down. Paying attention to people and just having fun if I can. I just need the motivation to do it. I think talking about it is a start!“- you express yourself so well, I am positively impressed with your state of mind, awareness, insight and maturity!

And again, thank you for your kind words.. You are an amazing person, Nichole, thank you for being you!!!

anita