Dear Ssleeping:

You are welcome, good to read from you again. I re-read your previous two posts. In your first post (Feb 5), you wrote: “He’s had a tough time recently with work and depression“, and indeed from what you shared about what he said to you, he sounds depressed.

The way I understand depression is that when a person is too anxious for too long, the anxiety (a negative excitable emotional state), turns into depression (a negative but calmer emotional state) because the brain/ body can’t endure excitability for too long.

He felt anxious (“He then started feeling anxious when thinking about it, he felt anxious when just thinking about things he loved related to me“), and then over several days, his anxiety turned into depression (“He felt like this for days and eventually broke down and told me, over the coming days he said he doesn’t want this anymore and needs to be alone“).

A hallmark of depression is the loss of interest or pleasure in things previously enjoyed, as well as indecisiveness, and so, he lost a significant amount of the interest he had to be with you, and he wanted to be alone, and he is indecisive.

From the DSM-5 (the American diagnostic guide for mental disorders), two of the symptoms of major depression are: “Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day”, and “Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day”.

You wrote: “I don’t know what happened… Could this be caused by avoidant attachment style?” (Feb 5)- I think that what happened is that he sank into depression, and that his current state of mind and behaviors are caused by depression.

“He doesn’t wear his bracelet and has changed his Lock Screen photos on his phone. I can feel how much he loves me when he looks at me, I can feel the affection and the want but I think he stops himself“- back to the DSM-5, “Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt..” is another symptom of major depression. Maybe he feels unworthy of you and that’s why he doesn’t wear the bracelet, and why he stops himself from expressing love for you (when he feels it)…?

Did he seek medical help for depression, recently or in the past?

anita