Hey SereneWolf,

good to hear from you again!

It’s totally fine I can understand. I wanted to know if you’re getting better, but thanks for responding.

Thank you for your understanding, you are very kind. I did feel guilty multiple times for not responding, but I felt so paralyzed. But when you wrote last week, I sort of woke up and told myself “come on, enough of this self-pitying, it’s time to reply!” So thank you, you helped me wake up from my slumber 🙂

I know your health issues aren’t easier, so I hope it gets better and I also hope that you get more courage and love over anxiety for your health.

Thanks, yeah, those are some real challenges, both health-wise and career-wise. But yeah, I hope I’ll be able to keep defrosting 🙂

I’m doing ok. Trying for my self-esteem issues and love myself more. But I believe I’m getting better. I’ve completely focused myself for my career. No situationships for now.

Oh, so you broke up? Would you like to share some more, like how it happened?

Although my sister and brother-in-law kinda on a mission to find a girl for me and convince me to get married and I know their intention aren’t wrong and also started to tell me lot of good aspects from the right partner and marriage, so I’m not scared about marriage as I used to. Since I’m seeing a good thing about it. But I’ve told them only to start look for girls when I tell you that I’m ready. and they agreed.

Good to hear you’re not that scared any more. I’ve written some ideas in my previous post (about relationships), of what I think might be behind your lack of trust. What do you think about it?

Also, good that your sister and brother-in-law aren’t pushing you. Honestly, there is no point in pushing something that important, when you are not ready. It can only lead to problems and regrets down the line. So don’t do it until you’re ready.

But I think you will only be ready once you heal those fears and lack of trust in people. So my advice is to work on your relationship fears as well, don’t just focus on your career. Because focusing only on your career is an avoidance strategy too. It’s easier for you. But it’s not helping, on the long-run…

And lately I do try to be grateful and positive within, yet I still feel alone and helpless and losing hope sometimes. But I’m still being resilient. I’m trying to listen to Inner positive voices like Krishna and Uncle Iroh like and try to feel like someone’s watching over me and they got my back and things will get better.

Yeah, I hear you. I know this dichotomy very well: on the cognitive level, you know you are good enough and you try to be positive. But deeper, emotionally, on the inner child level, you feel helpless and alone. And losing hope, sometimes. For me, this hopelessness and helplessness got activated with my back injury and other health issues. That triggered it, but I’ve realized this feeling was always in me, only I wasn’t aware of it. And now it came to the surface. And there is no other way but to tackle it…

I agree it makes me remember our conversation about old beliefs and I guess therapy did helped a bit but not very significant. And just I’m not seeing therapist anymore. I do try to journaling and work on removing my old beliefs and rooted fears. What kind of things that I can do to remove my old beliefs and rooted fears more efficient way? Kinda like rewiring our brain you know

I’ve just dug up a youtube video on negative core beliefs, by my favorite online therapist, Barbara Heffernan. There is a link to the pdf file below the video, where she explains how to transform those beliefs. The video is titled “Core Beliefs CBT“. Highly recommended. I’ve just done the exercise in the pdf file, for transforming the core beliefs. Let me know if you’ve tried it.

I am sorry you’re not seeing your therapist any more. Is she still having problems with her eyes?

Ah I see, I know it’s not easy for you but have you ever tried being a reckless child at this age? Like I don’t care what happens to me I want to do it means I want to do it. I guess because concerned and matured adult would think and ruminate a lot. Reckless child wouldn’t. and who knows you can get good results although it’s something really out of your comfort zone but something that you can try and feel like you got the power.

No, I can’t think of myself as reckless. I don’t think my inner child ever wanted to be reckless 🙂 But it would be nice to “just do it”, without too much rumination. And I wouldn’t do reckless things, but good things, things that I love. So perhaps a curious child, enthusiastic child, would be a better fit 🙂 But thanks for the idea to involve my inner child in her “original form”, while she was still not frightened and stifled by my mother’s programming. I like it, I’ll see if it works…

Haha yeah, you’re right. Well, we got to try. Right!?

Yes! Discovering our false beliefs and then counteracting them is super powerful. I’ve just learned from Barbara Heffernan’s video that our core beliefs don’t reside in our cognitive brain, but in our limbic brain. That’s why we can’t overwrite them by simply thinking positively. We need to dig deeper into our old emotional experiences and re-write them as well… and that’s what her method should help in.