Dear Tee,

Maybe you are right, even if it doesn’t feel that way. My parents have done good and bad things. They have built me into having the good and the bad. But I am happy with the good they have taught me, and I think the good outweighs the bad. And the bad is good too, cause it lets me empathize with those who have went through similar experiences.

I am not sure if seeking excuses for my parents and girlfriend could be considered child-like behavior. It would be more like naive but I have been one to not get a chance to prove myself, to show that I am not the creep, the crazy kid that other people see me as. So with that kind of experience, is it fair to put someone else in that position too? Some people just need one more chance to correct their mistake. I know the world is a cruel place, but I want to believe in the good in people. I want to believe that the mistakes that one person makes does not define who they are. That is why I continue to search for a good excuse. Just like how God tried to find at least one good person in Sodom and Gomorrah at Abraham’s request before deciding to destroy the cities full of sinners. How can B show that she has changed if I do not give her a chance? Some people do not understand their mistakes until they actually experience it. Should I not take into consideration the good in people? Even in the case of my parents. When a parent tells their daughter not to wear short skirts and etc, or tells their child to be home before 7 pm, it is not because the parent does not care about the child. It is because the parent wants to ensure the child’s safety that the parent makes these rules. However the parent may go to extreme measures to ensure the safety of the child, and that may include tying the child down in a chair or something. Isn’t that wrong? Technically it is wrong, but if the child is very rebellious or something and refuses to listen to the parent when they say that it is dangerous outside right now, wouldn’t the child have to suffer the consequences? And if the child ends up getting killed for going against the parent, it is not just a loss for the child but also for the parent. In my case, my parents had all these beliefs in their heads that were passed down from their parents. And so they forced those same beliefs on me, thinking they were molding me to become a real “man”. A parent cannot get everything right about how they treat their child, but my parents have explained the reasons behind their actions, their beliefs, so even if they did all kinds of wrong things, I know that their intentions were true. I forgive them but I do not forget them.

You said that I am in my child self, I am neglecting my own pain, just like my parents neglected my pain. But technically isn’t that most men do? Men have been viewed by society to be strong and etc, and if they are seen crying or anything, they will be perceived as weak. I think I am just one of those victims. Doesn’t most people ignore most men’s pain? We do not have time to feel pain. We have responsibilities and other issues to worry about. I think my parents were neglecting my pain to let me grow into someone that is not affected by pain like this. As a result, though I feel pain in leaving B, I am able to live a much more normal life than I would have been. Occasionally I feel sad about what has happened, but I am able to focus on my priorities more easily. I found out about what happened with B last Christmas, while I was with my parents. I broke down in my room when I learnt about what happened, but as soon as my parents needed me, I was able to wipe my tears away and change my mental state to deal with whatever issue my parents were having. So am I actually neglecting my pain or am I choosing to push it to the back of my mind cause I have other priorities like studying for my med exam and other things that should not be affected by my pain?

Paradoxy