Dear Tee,

You are right that my parents did not need to crush the person who is having the suicidal feelings. But they did what they did and I consider that the past, something that I have moved on from a long time ago. My father is not highly educated. Both of my parents only had a community college level basic education. Both of them got where they are now through sheer will power and determination. And education has nothing to do with the ability to empathize with people. He has suffered far worse than me yet he was never suicidal. He cannot empathize with me on this matter and he will see suicidal people as idiots. I am not making excuses, I understand why they did what they did. But that does not mean I will support what they did nor am I going to forget what they did. I just don’t anyone to have the misunderstanding that my parents are horrible people. They are just stubborn and ignorant. Thats it.

You keep mentioning that I heal from this. How do you expect me to heal? I am fully aware of my thoughts. I am fully aware of my feelings and the path that I am being driven into. So all I have to do is just change my mindset. But a part of me does not want to change that mindset. But I know it is wrong. It’s like the pain gives me some form of satisfaction. I find peace in this loneliness I feel. How are these negative thoughts going to affect me if I have perfect control over them?

Paradoxy