Dear Moutoshi:

“I usually turn to writing when I’m emotionally broken, disappointed, have lost hope and also when the storm rages within“- you write so well, there’s an easy flow to your writing. Reading your words, your combination of words,  feels- to me- like floating in a gentle, blue ocean.

“Whenever I have someone, he is not just my love or soulmate, it’s like being with my best friend and I tend to confide all my thoughts, feelings and emotions in them. This is the best feeling that doesn’t feel like an outcast or being left alone and makes me so composed“- confiding all your thoughts, feelings and emotions calms that rage within. Not having a best friend to confide in, and the rage builds?

“One moment I’m okay and strong, and the very next moment I feel like begging or killing myself… Even at an age over 40, I still cannot deal with this pain. It feels so scattered inside, with so much restlessness… The universe remains numb when it comes to my emotions, again and again. I don’t know how far it will continue. It feels like I should not have been made with so many emotions“-  What a unique way to say it: I should not have been  made with so many emotions.

Since you were made with so many emotions causing so much restlessness within you, there are ways to calm down the restlessness/ the rage-within: confiding with another and writing are two such ways. There are other ways, the practice of emotion regulation skills. Mindfulness is such practice

When I was fortunate enough to attend my first quality psychotherapy, with decades-long rage-within, my therapist’s first attention was not to the stories behind my rage/ restlessness, but to calming it. He assigned me with listening to one guided meditations every day (theme: Mindfulness) in the effort to lessen the intensity of my emotions so that they don’t overwhelm me. I hope to read more from you and if you’d like, we can communicate for a while. Perhaps other members will reply to you as well.

anita