Dear Tee,

Even if I am still suffering, that still doesn’t change that their behavior only affected me in the past. I am in college now, in a whole different country far from their influence.

I don’t know how to explain this but the mediocre education that my father received is not even college level. All my father knew was basic knowledge on electricity which he built upon through experience and reading books. My mother was able to go to a nursing school but even that school is nothing compared to the nursing schools of today. I just used community college as the closest thing I could think of that I thought you would be familiar with. The lifestyle that you are familiar with is not the lifestyle my parents grew up in. They are not familiar with teenager issues and suicidal people like we are now. They are just too stubborn and narrow minded to see these issues.

Yes my father had suffered some trauma. But that trauma has made him compassionate enough to WANT to understand, but he is INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING. That is because he still follows the rules and beliefs that he grew up in. That is why he asks me to open up but his inability to understand forces me to never open up to him because all he points out is how my feelings are wrong instead of understanding why I am feeling the way I feel. He suffered a lot of trauma in his youth but he did not become suicidal. He cannot empathize with suicidal people. He literally cannot understand it. You are right about everything else you said, about his beliefs and etc. And yes a part of that logic is imprinted in me too. It’s something that a lot of men agree with. I cannot waste time sulking about my depression and etc. I believe that it is essential to be in touch with your emotions AND know where your priorities lie. It is okay to grieve, but do not let the grieving prevent you from taking care of your responsibilities and dealing with your priorities.

I have already acknowledged that there is a wounded part in me. But what do you expect me to do about his emotional needs and stuff? How am I supposed to change his loneliness when no one even wants to give me a chance at having their friendship? How am I supposed to do the things that this “inner child” wants when I have other priorities that requires more attention? I have been having exams for the last few weeks and I have been focusing on them. I tried my best not to let the break up affect my studying. The way you tell me to heal makes it sound so simple.

Paradoxy