Dear Paradoxy,

another thing: she is falsely accusing you of lying and wanting to cheat on her – whereas she is the one who actually did those things to you. She was hiding from you that her ex was her housemate, she was lying that it wasn’t him on that half-naked picture, and she was hiding from you for an entire year that she slept with another man.

Those are some pretty major lies and deceptions. But now, she is accusing you of telling your close friend that you two broke up, which she asked you not to:

She had told me not to tell my only other close friend that we broke up, but in a weak emotional moment, I told him that we were fighting. She found out and she told me that I lied to her and made her look like a fool. She also said that if I am able to hide her from my parents for two years, then I can also hide a “bitch” from her too (implying that I would cheat).

Your “lie” was a small one, and it’s wasn’t a lie, it was telling the truth to a close friend. And it wasn’t some horrible, embarrassing secret that she asked you to keep, but simply the fact that you two broke up. Nobody was hurt by that admission, except maybe her ego, who for some reason wanted to keep it a secret.

But then she had the audacity to assume that based on that minor “lie”, you would probably also cheat on her and hide a “bitch” from her – the things that she actually already did to you. She cheated on you and was hiding her ex in her house! Talking about not seeing a log in her own eye…

So, Paradoxy, it is becoming very clear to me that this girl is a serious guilt-tripper and manipulator. She is hammering you with her false accusations until you start feeling that you are the real problem:

Everyday it is feeling more and more like I am the real problem. Maybe it is me after all.

Her accusations are confirming the false core belief that you have about yourself: that you cause other people pain.

This is what you’ve learned from your parents, who too were false accusing you of being a problem, when you were simply a child who needed love and compassion, like all children do.

You were falsely accused and emotionally abused by your parents. And now you are being falsely accused and abused by her as well.