Dear Tee,

Yea you are right that I should not be dating someone who behaves like she is 5, I just believed that she is only behaving like a 5 year old because no one guided her properly and so I thought I could guide her to behave like a grown woman, but I guess I was wrong.

“But you should know that when two people get married, they vow to be there for each other in sickness and in health.” Yes that is what we are SUPPOSED to do, but I have not found a single unmarried woman yet who takes that vow seriously. The woman here believes that they will only behave like a wife when they become a wife but they expect men to behave like husbands when they are not even husbands yet. I do admit that men here are horrible too but so are the women. I have not found any female who takes the marriage vow seriously other than B, so far. But maybe I will. My naiveness is probably making me blind since B is my first gf. Most of the women here want men to treat them like queens but they don’t give anything else in return except maybe sex but I am not interested in sex.

“You said she has finally taken full responsibility for her actions – what exactly did she say?” She said that she will deal with the consequences of her actions, and she has stopped blaming me, but maybe she is still blaming me in her mind and she just chose not to say it directly to me. Maybe she still believes that all of this is my fault but she is not expressing it, so I won’t know. But despite agreeing to the terms, she does occasionally text me saying that she misses me and everything but she stops when I tell her to stop.

“But you keep trying to make her understand.” I just held out on hope. Finding excuses to convince myself that she would change. But some people cannot change until something really really bad happens. Maybe she didn’t have the motivation to change her ways in the past cause the arguments prior to January were not as complicated as it is now. But now that she knows that I am serious about the break up, maybe she will change.

“She too seems incapable of understanding.” No she seems to be capable of understanding, she just chooses to ignore the understanding. Like she knows exactly what I am trying to say but her emotions cause her to overthink unnecessarily and misunderstand things too easily. My father is INCAPABLE of understanding. Like it is very obvious that I am wasting my time trying to explain things to him, but to B, she will eventually understand things but it just takes a while for her brain to register.

“How are these other girls worse than B? Because I have a hard time imagining bigger disrespect than cheating on you and then blaming you for it.” I have told you a few stories already about some women here. But I can give you more stories. There is a girl here who is dating three men at the same time, and none of them know each other. Each man treats her well but as soon as one man leaves for work or something, she has the next man come over. And another thing is that she ensures that she does no service other than sex for the main bf. So far as to make sure that she cooked something for herself and ate it right before her bf came over. She has her man literally starving whenever he comes over or he brings food for her himself.

The men here are no better either but I noticed that it is actually a cycle. Either a man or woman gets cheated on, and then they proceed to become a cheater in their next relationship and then whoever they cheated on becomes the next cheater and the cycle continues.

There was another girl, who was dating a rich chinese dude. Whenever he invited her to dinner or something, she would bring her real man claiming that he was just a friend or she would have him buy gifts for her, which she either kept for herself or gave to her real man. Eventually the chinese guy figured it out and he left but still, the audacity of the girl to cheat RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM is crazy.

“But you concluded – incorrectly – that none of those girls were interested in you” Tee, my first online relationship ended cause of my parents, but when we got back together for a few weeks, she told me she didn’t want to date at all, only for me to find her dating another guy. Then she proceeded to ghost me after finding out the guy was interested in another girl. Even if the first break up was my parents’ fault, she still chose to dump me after we had gotten back together, so doesn’t that mean she was no longer interested in me?

My second online girlfriend dumped me, went on a date with another guy, then got back together with me. Doesn’t that prove that she was not really interested in me but was actually using/manipulating me?

My third online girlfriend was fine, but she also ghosted me cause of her parents without informing me of her circumstances first. She could have at least ended it properly so I don’t go waiting for her in vain. Fine, let us assume that her parents completely prevented her from coming in contact with me, but if she really cared, she would have found some kind of way to give me one last goodbye message, like through school computer or through her friends or something. FINE, let us assume she could not do any of that either. I SEARCHED FOR HER EVERYWHERE UNTIL I FINALLY FOUND HER. She could have informed me about her circumstances WHEN I CAME BACK FOR HER! All she said was that her parents forced her to stop contacting me and we proceeded with our relationship but if the circumstances were actually that bad she could have told me that our relationship would not work or at least tell me whether I should wait for her if her parents get involved again. She did none of that, she left me abandoned on my own birthday.

So tell me, were these girls actually interested in me? Am I incorrectly assuming here? Only the third online gf can be given SOME benefit of doubt even if the evidence is against her. But do you actually think they wanted me? I have girls in my own class telling other people that I am useless and does nothing despite all the work that I have done. Even the female “friends” that I talk to have shown that the only reason why they talk to me is cause of my guy friend who is the common friend between us. They don’t even want to get to know me. Not that I am interested in them but they don’t even want to know who I am. THEY EVEN GET MY NAME WRONG COUNTLESS TIMES DESPITE ME CORRECTING THEM BRUH.

Maybe I am in fact the issue. Cause there is a saying that in a class, if one student fails, then it is the student’s fault for failing, but if EVERYONE fails, then it’s the teacher’s fault for not teaching properly. In the same way, if everyone thinks that I am not worth their time, maybe I am in fact not worth their time. Maybe it is my attitude too, maybe it is my stubbornness, maybe it is the fact that I am the dumbest in my class. I’ve been insulted and treated like trash so many times that I am now too afraid to even talk to people so I reserve myself and do not talk more than necessary. I have made a fool of myself in front of people so many times that I am pretty sure they all see me as some insignificant idiot.

So based on all this, I don’t think there is any normal, decent girl who will be willing to give me a chance.

Paradoxy