Dear Tee,

This is what she said:

I have dated you for almost 2 years.
We started on rocky grounds, and I am fully aware of that. The fights and lies were a lot to deal with for both of us. We both had things about us that, if worked on at the time, would have put us in a better place right now.
I know for a fact that some of the things I did were unacceptable, and I never should’ve done them. I never should have lied to you about Trevor being the one who was taking out my braids, and I never should’ve kept what happened in January from you.
You had a right to know both pieces of information. And I am sorry I didn’t tell you. I know that we have had many mini-fights that could have been avoided if we really knew what we were doing and how to do it correctly.
Though we have talked about this before and we have some clarity on the matter, I will still make mention of it.
When we just started dating, everything felt new. You fell in love with me immediately, but I have loved you over time. I took the time to learn about you and love you as I went. I never had a fairytale belief in love; I knew that love would hurt and disappoint, so I never expected anything from you other than respect and faithfulness, and I believe that this is what contributed to my overlooking many small, hurtful things you did. Because I gave up on the idea of “my ideal love/fairytale love,” there is no perfect person, but there is someone perfect for everyone. But because I was your first relationship, you had expectations, and when those weren’t met, I was crucified but made excuses for it at the same time.
Do not misunderstand; dealing with someone who has never been in an actual relationship before is a beautiful experience, but the emotional pressure you are put under is a lot. Because I know I am being held to a certain standard, I have always told you that I felt like you were pure, and I didn’t like that I had sex with you. I felt terrible because I knew that I had so many things to deal with that I could never tell you. Though I was your girlfriend, it felt like I was your protector, like I was supposed to deal with whatever was thrown at me by myself but show up for you in the best way possible as well, and that’s why I didn’t explain the January situation to you as it happened. It was 2.5 months into the relationship, and I never felt safe enough to tell you because I felt like I needed to be the one who was there for you. I didn’t feel protected by you, Godwin. You think I didn’t wish I could just run to you and lay everything at your feet? You think I didn’t want to just tell you everything and know that I was safe and secure? You don’t think I would love the feeling of me feeling like I don’t have to worry because my man got me?
Godwin, you had broken up with me while I was going through the inhumane things I was experiencing, and then the things your parents said about me that had you upset and coming to me, which then turned into a fight later, made me feel like I really needed to handle things on my own.
I did not feel safe telling you any of that. How can I go to you and tell you that after what your parents said? Your parents labeled me as a gold digger, a girl trying to secure her future by dating you; they said I was taking advantage of you; I would cheat on you, etc., all because I am black and from the west. I know you are going to say it’s because we don’t have the same race, morals, etc. Same difference.
I had already never felt safe. I love you, and I felt like over time we would reach that level of security in our relationship, but I was not feeling it, and with the fight and what your parents said added on top of it, I decided to deal with it on my own.
I do not blame you or anyone else for anything. I was a grown 21-year-old who was dumb in my ways. I take responsibility for my actions.
I never intended on taking you back. I knew I loved you, but I planned to love you from afar. My aunt had suggested that I let you be with an Indian since your family wants you to be with one. She told me to leave you alone. My cousins told me to leave you alone, and my friends told me to let you go date an Indian.
But I didn’t leave you alone; I spoke to you after, like, nothing happened. I was wrong for that. But it felt like you were the only good thing in my life at the time, and I just couldn’t let you go either, so we talked about the breakup and got back together.
A few months passed, and we had mini-fights throughout, and you called me a bitch, etc.—a whole lot of name-calling. We addressed those and talked about them.
Then one day, you were over here. We slept that night, and the morning we were laying in bed together, and I asked you what your type of woman was. You looked at me and said, Lightskin, straight, long hair, slim. Godwin,I am a black, afro-haired, slim woman. I was so broken. I could not believe it. I cried so much after you left. It scarred me. I started looking at everything differently, but we had many conversations regarding it, and you kept getting annoyed each time I brought it back up. You keep saying you explained it the last time, and it was just what your parents made you believe, but you should keep bringing it up. And you disliked me for that. You couldn’t understand that I was truly hurting from it. You just saw me as annoying.
And each time I mentioned it, we fought because you didn’t want to hear it because you felt like you explained it and solved the issue. But that’s not how healing works. Just because I brought up something you did in the past doesn’t mean I misunderstood your original explanation of it or that I need you to repeat it again. Sometimes I just want you to listen keenly to how it made me feel and not tell me how I should feel since you explain it.
Sigh Godwin I have always loved you, and I always will. You were a good man with some bad ways, and that’s fine.
You lied to me about Prayanka, and you deleted the messages, but I had already seen them. But you were unaware, and you lied to me straight up about it. I was asking you about it for days, and you would look at me and lie. Then, when I told you, I read the conversation with you and her before you deleted it. You confessed that it happened and that you were sorry, and then you left me.
You left me to find the truth. And I went back to you. I literally begged you to stay with me. Godwin, you packed up everything and were walking out the door. I wrestled with you to stay over something you did to me. And Pryanka is what you described as your type; she matches your own definition.
You never posted about me. You never comment under my posts, but as we broke up, you went under a light-skinned married woman post and commented thirsty stuff. You don’t tell me I’m beautiful, but you will let a stranger on the internet know that. You don’t make me feel wanted. And you get so upset when I wear a bikini to the pool. To a private pool. And I posted the photo on my story. You may have been my boyfriend, but there were certain areas of me that needed you, and you ignored those. Do not misunderstand; I am not saying I posted my photos on my status because I wanted attention. I felt like I was cute, so I posted them. And at that time, you left me again.

Back to what I was saying, we were together in bed another night, and I found out that you messaged other people on the app that I knew about. When I went through the messages, you were texting multiple women who were not even responding to you. Then you tell me they are like “sisters” to you. As I was scrolling, you started shouting, telling me to stop, but I looked at everything. Then I turned to you, and I started crying, because that was all I could do. Then I said, I thought you said you weren’t in a relationship before and you’ve never gotten nudes, and you said, “I forgot about those.”
I cried again and again, and you decided to leave me, AGIAN!!! over something you did that I found out. Lol. And you know what I did? I stood like a woman with no self-worth and begged you not to leave. I told you it was okay, and I tried to tell myself all sorts of lies to have you around. I had lost all forms of self-respect.
I cried so much and begged you to stay. Then you did. A few months later, I suggested we go on a picnic since it would be cute, a lot of people wouldn’t be around, and it would just be nice to spend time with you. You started an argument, then told me we are incompatible and we probably shouldn’t be together. Lol.
I am crying as I write this because I cannot believe I went through this much. Anyway, I had a conversation with you again, and I found myself apologizing to you for wanting to go on a date with you. Lol. Sigh, oh Lord. And I accepted it. I took the blame for asking. Your reason was that I am an extrovert and you don’t like people, etc., and being in the open makes you anxious, etc. So I said okay. And I left it alone.
The last time we had a fight, I asked you for 15 minutes to do me a favor, and you said you were busy, so I stated I would wait, and then you got upset, then I started saying you preferred your game over mine, then you left me and told me I crossed the line right there.
I told you about January a year later because I felt like we were at a place where I could tell you what I went through and we could’ve handled it together. But you turned the entire thing around. And you got offended. You you I cheated on you; I never did. We were not together, and I hope you are not out here telling anyone I cheated on you because I never did.
Godwin This message is not to start a fight with you or to blame you for anything. I know how you are; you will pick things from what I say to come and argue with me about, and I really don’t have the nerve for it.
Before I met you, I was happy and glowing. While I was dating you, I became unrecognizable. I was sad; I was always trying to please you, wear what you wanted me to wear, say what you wanted me to say, and do what was pleasing in your eyes. I don’t know how I got to that point.
Now you tell me every chance you get that you hate me with a passion. That I am stupid and annoying, etc., etc., I go on and on about the thing I went through and all.
But I have said enough.
I have no problem with you at all as a person. You had your good ways, and so did I, and we both had our bad ways.
Maybe we were bad for each other, but like I said, we are probably good for someone else.
Never date a woman outside your race again if you actually care about her mental health.
I saw you showing interest in an Indian that ignored you, but you will find your person when the time is right. Don’t force it.
I leave you in peace. I have no ill feelings toward you, and I will focus on bettering myself and loving myself more.
Have a good life. Bye bye.
I want you to read all of this and tell me your take on what she said, cause I want to read your understanding of this before I explain everything. It doesn’t look like this thread is going to end any time soon.

Paradoxy