Anita!

I have had an interesting/stressful last few weeks. My father has been suffering from some health issues. I had know about them but did not understand the severity. A few weeks ago he flew to AZ with my niece. Once there my brother found him out of breath and turning purple. He was rushed to the ER. Eventually needing life support. Once it got to that point I decided to take a trip to AZ to see him. I knew it could be the last time I would see him and I did not want to miss that opportunity.

Learning this information and knowing I would be in AZ I broke no contact with my oldest brother and his family. Between this and making so many big decisions regarding my Father’s life last week I was definitely challenged. I am proud to say that I survived and thrived during the experience. My father is no longer on life support. He is still struggling but better than it was.  My brothers and I had to decide decisions while he was under. It was so scary. So sad.

I stayed at my brothers home for financial reasons. It just made more sense. We ended up having a good time catching up in between supporting my father. We met for lunch multiple times while I was there and he was out of work. I often imagined seeing him to be more scary. It wasn’t. I also lost a lot of anger I used to have for him. It is a little confusing. I used to hate him for the things he has done. And here I was loving him. The relationship is not perfect but being reunited in some is peaceful. He apologized and admitted a few things even though I tried hard not to talk about the past. Underneath him being the oldest of us all and the more “powerful” one, he is very sensitive and craves family and attention. He loves having company and was sad when I left. He likes to be surrounded by family. And I explained I am more of a loner. I need quite a bit of time to replenish my energy. I was trying to be open about my boundaries going forward.

I like the peace and forgiveness that has come over me in regards to family. I feel like it is a part of me I was trying to deny for so long. And for good reason because I needed to.

As I adapt back into Florida time and work this week I am just trying to get back into gear with my own schedule and goals again.