Dear Tee,

“I don’t think so, since she has already moved onto someone else” Apparently she blocked him? So idk.

“And she is already twisting the truth to the new guy, telling him you broke up a few months ago, which is not true, because you broke up beginning of April, right?” No we broke up mid March, like right before this thread started. So approximately one month has passed.

“I see this letter as her “parting gift”, in which she repeats once again all of her “grievances” against you, and blames you for her own actions.” She still tortures me even today. I went to her place to collect my things and while I was packing, she accessed my phone and saw a conversation with me to my guy friend where I made a song that was inspired by a girl in my class. Now she thinks I was cheating on her and she believes that B and I actually broke up cause I was interested in another girl instead of her own actions.

She said “You dont have to over complicate things. And dont feel bad because it hasnt even been a month good and you have moved on. That is why you boldly gave me that ultimatum on the night when i went to you to discuss things when you left. Because you knew she was already in the picture. But you just felt guilty.” This is really stupid because I made the song last Friday and she just inspired the main melody for the song. Even though she is so wrong, she hit my ego really really hard and I don’t like it. She has successfully hit me where I am most vulnerable.

It is like the saying “Imagine being bitten by a snake and instead of trying to help yourself heal and recover from the poison, you’re trying to catch the snake to find out the reason it bit you and prove to it that you didn’t deserve that.” I can’t seem to be able to get myself out of that mindset.

“I hope that you’re not entertaining the thought of reconciling again?” No, definitely not. But she is hitting me hard where it hurts the most and idk how to deal with it. The way she describes everything just makes me question my reality and doubt everything I have done and it is driving me further into depression cause everything I did and trying to do seems pointless.

I want to let her go, but the issue is that she has all kinds of excuses to not give me my stuff. She claims that my clothes are some place else being washed and that she still needs my laptop and stuff. It is pissing me off. I just want to block her but she keeps hitting my ego when she keeps making false accusations which then gives me the urge to fight her and prove to her how wrong she is. I don’t like the feeling of being made to look like the abuser while she pretends to be the victim. Besides, I don’t have the heart to forcefully take my stuff from her because at the end of the day she is a human and I don’t want to feel guilty like a landlord who left a family on the streets for not paying the rent cause of their financial struggles.

I don’t want to give her the sense of satisfaction that she was right about me all along (even if she is not right in reality), which causes me to keep trying to prove her wrong.

“And refrain from replying to her letter, because it will be futile, and you’ll risk getting entangled in another round of pointless, exhausting arguments (that are aimed at blaming you and portraying you as the bad guy).” Unfortunately I did. I am sorry Tee I feel like an idiot for not knowing better. The thing is I know better but I have a lot of pride and I can’t seem to let go of it. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of believing that she was right all along. I know that I am behaving like I don’t learn from my mistakes Tee please forgive me.

As for the issue with my high school crush,

“So by deleting that conversation, your intention was to remove even the slightest possibility that you would get tempted by this girl. Your intention was to be 100% faithful to B, with no distractions and no temptations. You lied to B about it because you didn’t even want to make it a topic of discussion, since you in your mind and heart were resolute not to engage in it and to nip in the bud. Would you agree with that?”

The issue is that I didn’t lie at all, I just forgot about the conversation cause it happened a week ago or something but it just so happened that I deleted the entire chat history on the same day that B found out about the conversation, which makes it appear as if I deleted it to hide the conversation. And on top of that, I still had her contact on other social media. So B thinks that if I really wanted to cut ties with my high school crush, I would have blocked her on all social media instead of simply deleting the conversation. I didn’t delete her on all social media cause I barely ever talked to her and I forgot that I even had her contact. But B doesn’t believe any of that and it is sickening cause there is nothing I can do to prove the truth to her.

“Can you see the difference in those two cases of lying? She lied with the intention to hide a potential foul play, while you lied because you wanted to spare her of jealousy and worry, since you knew that there would have been no basis for her jealousy and worry (because you were 100% faithful). And perhaps you lied also to spare yourself of her false accusations.” EVEN IF I WAS LYING, THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE MY INTENTIONS. That is what I hate the most.

I know what she is trying to do, so why is it so easy for me to fall for her manipulation? I am so tired of her. Idk what to do.

Paradoxy