Dear Tee,

“I know what you have said – you have expressed your opinion of women (which mostly aligns with your parents’ opinion of women).” That was not the one I was referring to. My opinion of women was stated when I expressed my morals. Another time I expressed my opinion of women is when I said this:

“My father taught me to still consider it because there are times when the women is actually right but it is my responsibility to make sure if the woman’s decision is logically viable. There are certain things that women are good at and certain things that men are good at. Please don’t misunderstand, I am not trying to be disrespectful to women. Treasured does not mean they should take care of their husband’s needs. Treasured is more like saying the women should be considered a prize. Someone who should be protected at all costs. Someone who should be loved and cared for and understood and valued.”

So you have the wrong understanding of me. There are a lot of “gold digger” women, and my parents adviced me to be cautious, but they are not saying that every woman is a gold digger, but move forward in life without lowering my guard cause it is better to be safe than sorry.

“You mentioned some woman juggling three men while seeking to rip of a rich Chinese guy, and also more evidence of such immoral women that your father regularly lets you know about in your daily phone calls.” Some stories I heard from him, some stories like the story with the Chinese guy I heard from the guy himself, and other stories from others, and I have seen stories myself cause I was there when they were going through the experience.

“So women force men to stuff down their emotions? Not perhaps your father and other men who tell you to “suck it up and be a man”?” I didn’t say that men like my father didn’t force other men to shut down their emotions, I said that there are a lot of women who leaves their partner or perceive their partner as weak when they show their emotions.

“And when you say “cry or something“, maybe “something” means when they become verbally and physically aggressive?” No, more like ranting or sometimes they become quiet and distant cause they are reflecting on their emotions or other activities that help them cope with sorry. Some women also hate men who are clingy. Verbal and physical aggression is more linked with anger than sorrow, so unless there is a lot of anger mixed in with the sadness, it is less likely to occur, but the annoying thing is that a lot of women tolerate actual abuse which is just stupid because they deserve better.

“So perhaps women leave their husbands not because they are sensitive and crying, but because they are aggressive and can’t control their anger?” I wish that was the case because then it would be reasonable.

“Yes, what you are describing is a patriarchal system, in which the man is the head of the family, and men and women have strictly defined ROLES. It is the woman’s role to give birth and take care of the children and the household, while it is the man’s role to make all important decisions.” Already indicated that I was not referring to the patriarchial system but if my words are not getting through to u, there is nothing I can do. I literally just said a woman’s duty is just as important as the man’s duty.

In a team of medical physicians, there will be a leader that takes the responsibility of gathering everyone to work together and take care of their individual responsibilities but that doesn’t mean the other physicians are not important. They all have a purpose. One may focus on the bone while the other may be a dietician or a radiologist or a surgeon. Each person has their responsibility and their own experiences and it is the combined thinking that helps them figure out a treatment plan for a patient.

So stop putting words in my mouth cause I never said that a woman’s role is to give birth and take care of children and that the man’s role is to make all the important decisions, cause that is not true. Both of them are supposed to work together as the man take the responsibility of leading.

“I am not misunderstading you, Paradoxy. I know very well what you said and what your beliefs are. You expressed them many times, including now, in this latest post.” You just did. You just put words in my mouth and assumed what I was trying to say instead of trying to understand properly.

“Also, when you found excuses for B’s inappropriate behavior by claiming that she is stupid and “operating on literally three brain cells”.” The number of times she has made poor decisions and the number of times we have argued over the same point AFTER AGREEING WITH ME made me just come to the conclusion that she is not thinking. And obviously I was exaggerating to make my point.

“You say you agree with me, but in the very next breath you come with an explanation why you are still right about women being gold diggers, cheaters, or even forcing men to suppress their emotions (which is one the most ridiculous claims I’ve heard).” Are you saying that these types of women do not exist?

“You want to keep focusing on the “lot of women who do not understand this“, same as your father, who is quick to tell you about examples of immoral women in his daily phone calls with you.” When I told you the stories of immoral women, I told u that I WAS THERE for some of the stories while other stories I heard from the persons themselves. Maybe u have forgotten.

“How can you serve your wife, if you believe you have to lead her and make decisions for her?” Go back and READ. Cause this conversation is becoming pointless now because I already stated COUNTLESS TIMES that I WANT TO SERVE my wife. I never said I WOULD MAKE THE DECISION FOR HER. You are doing exactly what the others did. Assuming things and telling me I am wrong without actually understanding what I am trying to say. Go back and read what I said about my morals.

” I am pretty sure that it is because of the same reasons – of feeling unloved and rejected by your parents – that you later felt rejected by your peers too” How is it a feeling if my peers actively rejected me? They specifically said that they did not want to be my friend. I told you. I had to LITERALLY BEG until I finally gave up. That is not cause of the false belief, cause the belief started forming when I was in Grade 9-10 but the rejections started since Grade 1. The rejections caused the belief, not the other way around.

“I was trying to tell you that the system you are trying to fit in is corrupt, and that you don’t need to try to fit in.” Society is already corrupt, maybe not a lot where you live but definitely in all 4 countries that I have lived in. The system I described is not just for me, it happens all over the world. I never said I am defending the system. I am saying that I understand the system’s intentions, but the system is not working positively towards those intentions. That is what you don’t understand. I have been repeating this so many times now.

“You wanted her to understand that she is hurting you with her actions, didn’t you?” I wanted her to understand because the decisions she were making that ends up harming herself was also harming me. Like her decision to sleep with the guy in January. Though that horrible experience was hers alone, that experience is also mine even if I didn’t experience it because her pain is also my pain cause that is how much I loved her. Same goes in other situations too. If she makes a bad investment and loses a lot of money, even if it is her money, I would still be upset about it and ask her to do better next time because I don’t want her to be suffering financially. I wanted what was best for her. I even chose to leave her after certain fights because in my head I felt she deserved someone better than me.

“So a lot of your arguments were about you trying to prove to her that you are a good person, not an abuser. It was you trying to make her understand YOU, make her have empathy for YOU.” Those arguments were AFTER the break up. So at that point I was in the process of detaching from her and trying to stop myself from caring for her. So in that case, yes I did try to make her understand me because despite the amount of times I showed her exactly what she did wrong, she pins the blame on me, saying that I am a cheater and etc, but I didn’t seek her empathy. I just wanted her to realize that I am not the bad person she thought I was. I had reached a point where I didn’t care whether she changed or not. If she changed, good for her. But I am not giving her another chance so I don’t care if she changes or not.

BEFORE the break up, our arguments were to help her be better. Cause at the beginning of the relationship, her issue was indecisiveness. Cause she kept changing her mind about things and it was becoming annoying so I told her to get her act together and stick to her decisions, but I did not expect that the decisions she were going to stick to were all the wrong decisions. So I was not trying to meet my own need, I wanted her to be wiser when making certain decisions so that we won’t be suffering cause of poor decisions.

“That’s why I believe (and you actually confirmed it in your earlier posts) that you staying with her for so long, engaging in endless arguments to prove your point, was very much about meeting your own need: the need to prove that you are a good and loving person. The need to prove your innocence, i.e. good intentions.” You are getting a little confused here. BEFORE the final break up, what I expected from B is to make decisions based on how her actions would hurt BOTH OF US, especially me because her decision to sleep with the man hurt me, hiding her ex hurt me, lying to me hurt me, hiding what happened in January hurt me, her decision to go to the resort with her guy friend hurt me, her decision to post herself publicly in revealing outfits hurt me, her choice of clothing when in public hurt me and etc. I wanted her to understand that those poor decisions hurt me, and therefore she should make better decisions next time. I was not trying to make her understand cause of my unmet need. I wanted her to understand so the relationship could be fixed and we could move forward respecting each other.

But AFTER the final break up, I stopped caring for her. So at this point, the arguments were because she accused me of being a cheater and etc and blaming me for breaking up for invalid reasons, so that annoyed me and made me want to show her exactly who is to be blamed for this mess and that is why I tried to prove my innocence and etc AFTER the break up. So please don’t misunderstand.

Paradoxy