Dear Paradoxy,

I honestly don’t know anymore. Last night I found out that my guy best friend just hit on my ex, behind my back, going far enough to tell her not to tell me. Basically, he was interested in her from the beginning. Despite all the things I told him about her. Lol.

Oh wow! A faithful friend he is… And how did you find out? From B?

Then my ex proceeded with more insults. Telling me that every girl that rejected me dodged a bullet lol. Telling me that I am unlovable and etc. I don’t know anymore. To fight back I started insulting her too. But idk, I was never good at a verbal battle.

You know, I’ve been suspecting for a while that B is narcissistic. I first started suspecting when I read her letter. The style was pretty much that of a narcissist, the covert (so-called vulnerable) type. So someone who is super selfish and manipulative, and yet playing a victim.

Recently I’ve been watching some youtube videos on narcissism by a famous clinical psychologist and expert in narcissism, Dr Ramani Durvasula (the channel’s name: DoctorRamani). And let me give you the titles of some of those videos:

When narcissists harm you and then expect a hug

When a narcissist promises to change

What does it mean when a narcissist says “I’m sorry”

Narcissist defensiveness vs. REAL apology

Why do you always need to repeat yourself to narcissists

B did all of the above: expected you to keep behaving as if nothing happened (and have sex with her) when she told you she prostituted herself, she kept promising to change and never did, she kept giving you fake apologies, she kept “forgetting” things (and you needed to repeat yourself over and over again). And of course, she was lying to you, falsely accusing you and gaslighting you, the latter being the signature of a narcissistic person.

If I am right, Paradoxy, then you had it thousand times worse than in a normal relationship. Because a relationship with a narcissist is pure hell. And has the ability to ruin the person. So no wonder you feel broken: broken wings, broken heart, broken soul.

But I have to ask you something: even if you agree with me, please please please don’t tell B that she is a narcissist. Because it will backfire. A narcissist cannot be defeated by telling them the truth about themselves – a narcissist will always turn things against you. And you’ve already experienced it with her:

I was never good at a verbal battle.

Precisely. You cannot win an argument with a narcissist.

Can’t seem to fight the feeling that maybe…. just maybe…. people are actually better off without me.

She made you believe that. Unfortunately, she “confirmed” what you already believed about yourself before, due to your upbringing. But she is a broken mirror, Paradoxy. She is one big lie. Whatever she tells you about yourself is a lie. Toxic. Poison.

Perhaps you want to peak into one of those videos that I mentioned above. I think you’d recognize B very easily…