Dear Paradoxy,

The guy said “Everyone’s interactions with people are unique and different. It might not be the same for us.” Basically he thinks that he will have a different/better experience with her than me ig.

Your guy friend told you this? Or he said it to her in their conversation (of which she sent you the screenshots)?

Their conversation happened on June 4, almost 3 months after you split up. So you can’t blame him. But he is in for a rough ride, if she indeed starts dating him.

Nope, he specifically told her not to tell me, and B requested that I not tell him that she told me. So I am just going to stay silent and see what happens.

It’s a typical narcissistic tactic – to make people keep secrets while they (the narcissist) makes up lies and intrigues behind their back. And pit friend against friend.

If I were you, I would speak with him. I wouldn’t respect the narcissist’s plea for secrecy, because it damages the victims. And now both of you (you and your guy friend) are her victims.

Based on the response B gave, he might not try it again, but if he does, ig we will see.

So she told him off? Refused his advances? (at least in the part of the conversation that she you let you see)? BTW I guess screenshots can be photoshopped too, so beware. I wouldn’t trust anything she sends – everything can be manipulated. That’s why it would be good to talk to your friend.

Yep, she has. Her lack of listening and other behaviors are why I call her a brick wall, cause nothing I say gets into her head.

Alright, it all makes sense now. Of course a narcissist would be a brick wall. They simply refuse to hear what they don’t want to hear.

She is showing signs of planning to delay the payment but I am not in Jamaica yet so we will see once I get back.

She paid me once, but it will probably take another 8-9 months before she can completely pay me back. Now she is telling me she started attending trading class and etc so she need the money for that.

Well at least she paid you once. But the delay tactics is in place, as I thought. Honestly, I don’t think it’s worth to keep talking to her (and getting into fights) for the next at least 8-9 months till you get the next batch of your money.

As a narcissist, she enjoys torturing you, sending you stuff that provoke you (like the convo between her and your friend), and pushing your buttons. Narcissists thrive on that. The bigger your reaction, the more powerful they feel. So my guess is that she is going to keep delaying the payment, and have you depend on her and her whims for as long as possible.

And though I didn’t say she seduced him or flirted with him, I told her that she probably made him feel too comfortable, which made him want to say the things he said. Besides, she had been posting her modeling pictures on her status too so I am not amazed he got intrigued.

I think you are right, and I am glad that you see it.

I don’t need to understand. I am just trying to respect her by listening to her and make her feel understood so that she may give the mutual respect for me and actually listen to me as well

Dear Paradoxy – you’re expecting respect and understanding from a narcissist? Unfortunately, that’s something you’ll never get…

I know it is stupid but I am working on improving myself by teaching myself to be more understanding.

You don’t need to be more understanding with a narcissist… You’ve already gave her plenty of leeway, and she is just using it to manipulate you further.

Yeah lol I was thinking about a punching bag too, I am probably going to find one and use it when I get time. But my anger is very controlled rn, but it might burst when I see him, so idk. We will see.

He is not the main person to be angry at… But in any case, even a pillow is a good strategy – if you don’t have a punching bag.