Dear Clara:

“I fear  that she does not love me anymore… I am really afraid of the negative (for me) outcome“- if she doesn’t break up with you, if she tells you that the relationship is on again, what will your reaction be?

I imagine that you will be much relieved, the fear gone, at that moment. Will you thank her, will you promise to be good..?

The problem, as I see it, is a serious power imbalance within the relationship, if it resumes (and anger on your part about the imbalance).

I am not saying that she planned to have power over you, but this is how it turned out to be. It seems like she’s been calm during the break and you can’t sleep, fretting, dependent on her Yes, or No.

From psychology today/ power imbalances in  relationships explained:  “Why is it that we often find ourselves in romantic quagmires, where one person just seems to care more about the relationship than the other? The answer boils down to the principle of least interest. In 1938, sociologist Willard Waller coined this theory on the belief that most couples are not equally committed or invested in a relationship—therefore, the person who is less committed has more control over what happens to the relationship”.

You’ve been focusing on her Yes or No, but look farther than that point. Her Yes (to the relationship) may be more of a problem than a No.

During these last days of the break, please empower yourself, so that you are a strong, powerful Clara when you meet her.

anita