Dear Zenith:

I just noticed this Sun morning that I forgot to get back to you yesterday in regard to your short post of Fri. I will at the end of this post.

“My mind cannot stop  obsessing about how she has changed… it’s still hard to accept the fact how my friend has changed. The NEW her. She is close with a friend who has hurt me in the past. She has her own set of friends whom I don’t like… I get jealous or get triggered when she hangs out with other friends without me. How do I tackle these feelings/emotions instead of running away from it“?- maybe this will help, it’s something I repeat every day. I probably already shared it (my NPARR strategy) with you:

Notice- when you get triggered, feeling jealous, when you are obsessing about your friend, then Pause- stop (however temporarily) the train of thoughts in your head, just long enough to Address the situation- ask yourself; is there a situational problem that requires a situational solution? Or is it a distorted-thinking problem that I need to correct? Is there a different way to look at the situation? If I am judging someone, is there an empathetic way to view the person I judge?

Next: Respond or not- say or do something, or not: if there is a situational problem (an extreme example perhaps, would be your friend calling you names), then confront her about it, or decide to no longer have contact with her (a situational solution).

Next: Redirect- redirect your focus elsewhere. If distorted thinking is involved, redirect it to accurate thinking. If judgment and anger at people are involved, redirect judgment and anger to empathy whenever possible. Think in regard to the people you judge/ are angry with: are they too in pain in their lives? Do they struggle? Are they anxious sometimes, disappointed, jealous.. are they like me in some ways?

Replace judgment and anger with empathy whenever possible, whenever it is appropriate.

“When I was in India, I didn’t have to think about all this… That makes feel like going back to India. lol.”

– you know the saying “Wherever you go, there you are“? It means that you can’t escape yourself or your problems by simply changing your location. This saying is true because the location that matters the most (in the way a person experiences life) is the distance between one’s ears.

You shared Friday about your social anxiety being in the way of being a strong, vocal team member at work, as well as in trying for a new job. I suggested making a little progress every day in speaking up at work, one little step at a time. I hope that you will practice this tomorrow when you are back to work (Monday), and for the rest of the workweek and tell me about it..?

anita