Dear Anita,

Thank you for your response. I am sorry for not getting back to you timely because I was travelling for work. Thank you for your support during all this time and for understanding my repetitive behaviour!

I am trying to do better, I became quite non social for a long time and didnt talk to anyone. I am now thinking of resuming my real self and being social – talking to people, going out with people, making more friends, etc.

As more time passes by… weird realizations slap me in the face, on how blind I was. When I met hin the first time, he was just like me, not too religious, having faith, but also enjoying, drinking at a bar, talking to everyone, he even smoked a lot (which I dont because I am also a professionally trained singer). Then one day he just  told me that he has his religious calling. So he stopped entering bars, he would go in only when he is not wearing is rudraksha mala, i respected it. Then during the times of festivals, like navratri for example, he would ask me to not even touch him. And he prayed 1 hour every day. So I accepted all this. But all this time sharing the same bed with me was never a problem?? And I never saw this as a problem? I could have preserved myself if I noticed this. But I thought he is the one. Now the realization hits. I am 25 years old. And I am alone in a different country. I am trying my best to be strong. I am independent and I have my company as I mentioned before. But all this baggage on me… is what pulls me back. I understand I should not think of him. I am sure he is not at all thinking of me, I know him enough to say that he is doing well with his beliefs.

Also, don’t mind me saying this… I feel like I am too old now, and I will never get anyone in my life, and it is kindof scary to be alone my entire life you know…

All this came into my head after one of my childhood friends suddenly got in touch with me after a year. Generally she used to talk to me a lot, but when I started working at my second job, she kind of became distant, I felt bad because I never understood this distance. Maybe because she was busy looking for a job… she did her engineering and didnt find a job since covid till now.

When she got in touch I was so happy, spoke to her, and she asked me how is he doing (she knew because i told her the last time we spoke and that time I was with him). When I told her that I separated because his parents didnt like me without meeting me because I am from a big city where the culture is more open, and I also have a different religion, and they preferred a housewife and very religious person.. she said and I quote,”Good for you, you dont deserve to spoil anybody’s life. You just care about your work and yourself. You are selfish and you will die alone, never find anyone because all of us can look through you.”

I mean, I do love working, that is why Iwork… right? Hearing this from my childhood friend, was so painful. I am not selfish. I try to help. I do spend a lot of time working, but I also spend time following my hobbies.

Her words hurt me bad, and now I kind of believe them because she is an old friend who i thought knows me a lot.

I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for creating this platform where we can be ourselves and noone judges us. Best regards.