Dear Klast:

It is amazing that you posted about your bran scan (revealing two black holes) only 10 hours before a doctor ordered a brain scan for me because I told her about my pulsative tinnitus in one ear. I hear it now, but when it started, or when I noticed it for the first time (weeks or months ago, I don’t remember) it was very, very loud, late at night. Seems like a blood vessel in my brain is either somewhat blocked or twisted, or.. I may have a tumor that’s pressing against blood vessels.. scary.

“We are those baby sea turtles that get injured on the way to the ocean. Once we get there we cant deep dive with the others very well. We mainly hang around just below the surface“- very well said. Increasingly in recent months I’ve been hanging around with others deep in the water, so to speak. It’s a very different emotional- social experience than being sad, scared, lonely and numb just below the surface.

“Don’t get me wrong, fate isn’t completely absolved. It still was the root cause of my seed trauma (prolonged febrile convulsion), and choosing neglectful/abusive parents for me. But realising this and understanding the overall effect on my life is a big relief“- who did the choosing of neglectful/ abusive parents for you? (I am not intending to argue with your belief in fate, which brings you a big relief, only to understand it better).

“Yes, I have read about how the US health system is run by the insurance companies. They aren’t keen on having new diagnoses added to the DSM“- there is a saying about understand how the modern world operates: follow the money.

“Where I live, the CPTSD label has no real effect on my life, unless I can convince a psychologist, to convince the government/insurance, that it has stopped/severely reduced my ability to do ‘my normal occupation’. How vague is that, especially when I have never had a ‘normal occupation’“- falling through the cracks..

“all through the first 30 years or so of my life, I never met someone with any sort of epilepsy. Let alone someone with an invisible disability like Arrested Psychological Development. I was constantly alone“- a human being is not meant to be alone.. or Arrested in any way.

“Now I am going to do some intense research on how to deal with APD in adults“- I just read this sentence for the first time, and again, I am amazed that only yesterday, I was ordered a brain scan in regard to my pulsative tinnitus. I also told the doctor about my Hissing/ white-noise type tinnitus, which she said is indicative of hearing loss..

anita