Dear Zenith:

“Honestly I don’t want have to the conversation about my past… You get hurt when someone who is close  to you suddenly drifts apart from you once they meet new people… Now I am scared she would cause any drama by telling others I had hurt her because I have had the same thing happen with other friends who would always blame and create the drama.”– time for the Serenity Prayer, asking the following: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

You cannot change what she will tell others, what others will tell her (gossip, drama). You can change or control only what you say to others.

Because people gossip, in the future, don’t tell person A who is in the habit of gossiping what you don’t want person B, C and D to know. When you are talking to Gossiper A, imagine as you speak to her, that Gossiper B, C are also there, hearing you. Also, do not gossip about others (telling person A negative/ judgmental things about person B)

Think before you speak, asking yourself: if I say what I feel like saying now, will it cause drama? Is there a way for me to  say what I want to say in a way that is likely to ease conflict (instead of fueling conflict)?

You cannot change her choices of friends or how she feels about you. Try to make peace with it. I would give up on trying to befriend her, or re-friend her. Think of her as a neighbor and an acquaintance, not as a friend.

anita