Hi Alex,

Can I share some thoughts? I’m no expert but I have had some bad experiences and some good ones. Yes communication can be a challenge and sometimes people take it the wrong way and just react. I’ve had that. And, I know that sometimes I judge people because I have high standards or a different view or I may not like the person that much.

Words are 10% of communication so tone and body language can be a big influence. If you’re talking by text or internet be extra careful. Also a soft intro can set up the topic. Asking a question can help get engagement, such as,”I have a dress like that – do you want to know what I got for shoes?” vs. “You’re not wearing Those are you.” Another intro would be expressing understanding: “You must be so frazzled about your interview being tomorrow and you don’t have shoes – with those not working out.” Or “Can I say what I’m thinking? Can I be direct with you.” This sends the message that you are about to help.

If things don’t go well… “Wait – I’m sorry. Can we back up and try that again?” Would this sound more inclusive than “*I’m* sorry that *you* feel that way.”?

Does any of this make sense? I think I’m rambling now…. 🙂

Me – I’m trying to use more emotional intelligence (Goleman’s book helped I think) – the self-awareness part. Seeing how I feel and act and how the other person feels and acts. I’m also trying to chill out because I get up tight about stuff, more than I should. All of this hurts relationships. Yup I’ve done it in the past couple months – so don’t take me as an expert lol.You might reflect on why you are bumping into people, with a comment, then getting a reaction and then thinking why and it’s mostly on them. I know for me I get into trouble when I get my nose into other people’s business – justifying it in my mind because “I’m right” and “they need to change something.”

I hope this gives you at least a little bit to think about. If I missed your point and missed the mark please forgive me. And if you have any suggestions for me, I am all ears!

Oh I would be remiss if I left out “acceptance.” I’m learning – yes old dog new tricks who knew? – that by accepting myself fully, I can accept others fully for who they are. Just simple acceptance. Doesn’t mean I agree. Even if I think I’m right, my standards are different or I’m not really friends with the other person.

What are your thoughts?

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