Hello LaReason,

It is obviously really difficult to assess your situation just based on what you’ve told, but I’ll give you my thoughts on the subject.

Regardless of how you would behave, it does say quite a lot about a person who’d call you names. Such reactions fall under their responsibility and you should try not to take it personally. Other people’s behavior is not your responsibility. Your behavior is your responsibility.

“Am I just meant to be here for people to step on and feel better about themselves?”

Of course not, and you know that. I understand that you feel frustrated and angry, but it would be better if you expressed the anger in a straightforward manner instead of such passive-aggressive comments.

There’s the possibility that you’re not actually being very confident, but just try to look like you are, which can come across in a terrible way. Assertiveness does not mean aggression, and confidence does not mean being loud, and so on. A confident person can still be quiet and kind. A confident person knows that it’s OK to be quiet and kind, and reserves the right to be such a person. Standing up for yourself does not have to be dramatic. You don’t have to stand up; you can just sit and smile 🙂 I’m afraid that if you are scared of someone walking all over you and you attempt to stop them with that mindset, it will come across the same way as a dog barking and showing their teeth.

I personally really love Nathaniel Branden’s books about self-esteem. They’re not fluffy self-help books designed to make you feel good, but very straightforward and honest descriptions of what sort of work needs to go into improving confidence and self-esteem. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is a classic: http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397 As a side note, English isn’t my first language, and I use “confidence” and “self-esteem” interchangeably and see them as same. I hope I’m not confusing things too much.

Building confidence takes time, and it’s never constant. Some days you’ll feel less confident than others, or particular situations might be more challenging. Still, it would be good to be honest with yourself and with others in your relationships. Interestingly, such honesty also builds confidence over time…