Dear Jessie,

I have been in a similar situation, and even though I am now single, I still feel badly if something triggers my memory of the situation.

Could you consider talking to a counselor/therapist? I have found that to be extremely helpful.

Most importantly, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that you are going through this and feeling this way. I hope that you can have compassion for yourself now. As you said, you needed attention and physical contact and to feel wanted and loved. These things are so basic and vital that you did what you had to do to get them/feel them. Please don’t beat yourself up for it. And it’s so natural to feel guilty, yet still miss it/that person, and then feel guilty for that, in a vicious cycle. Please validate everything that you are feeling. Feeling duped implies that you could have/should have somehow outsmarted this, which is just not possible. We can’t outsmart our feelings (even though that might seem like a wonderful idea!) This and your post in general makes me think you might be struggling with some perfectionism, which is a tricky thing. (I highly recommend “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown, I think anyone can gain from it.)

I have also felt so insanely lonely and unwanted that I spent time with someone else, texted and emailed, cuddled and kissed, etc. Would you hold it against me or shame me for it? Probably not, so please don’t shame yourself. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. You are not your mistake.

And don’t worry about what other people might think or say, they don’t know or understand your journey.
I wish I could give you a hug and bake you some cookies.

Best wishes to you.
<333

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Kaelah.