@tash That is funny, because I also want to form my own view of the world and not be swayed by others’ beliefs 🙂 Then again, there are a lot of similarities in ACAs. The reason I like David Richo is that he is very gentle in his explanations of what might a healthy relationship look like. It’s not a doctrine forced upon you.

I am very suspicious of anyone who claims to have access to some sort of ultimate truth. I pick up different pieces here and there and see what is a good fit for me in that particular time in my life. That is the same approach I take to my posts here: I do not claim to know everything, but I want to share what has helped me. If it might offer a missing piece to someone in that moment, then great! If not, then that’s OK. I also find that there are some basic principles that seem to be universal, but how we perceive them and how we understand them, differs. So I keep preaching my own view of what I think unconditional love is, not because I believe that my version is the whole truth, but because there might be someone out there who can understand my point of view easier than someone else’s. Ultimately, the most important thing is that people will find peace in themselves.

…and so that I would not completely derail this thread, I’ll respond to the OP as well 🙂

@carlsbarkley Like others have pointed out, you need to trust yourself in order to trust others. Even if you had access to knowledge of everything that your partner does, it would not take away the underlying problem of fear of losing him. I don’t think that you can force yourself to let go and allow him to be. It happens naturally when you find the fulfillment in yourself. There is no need to grab onto another person when you are content in who you are. It becomes easier to allow others to be who they are.

Another thing that happens with self-love and fulfillment is that since you view yourself as a worthy human being, you’ll naturally gravitate towards people who see you the same way, and you’ll naturally let go of the people who don’t share your feeling of contentment and love. When you are looking for a fix from outside of yourself, someone to fill the void, it’s much easier to accept all kinds of behavior from others, even when they hurt you and treat you poorly. You can’t let them go, because you need them for a feeling of fulfillment. But if you are fulfilled already, the poor treatment becomes a repellant. Why stay with those who try to hold you down?

But the prerequisite is self-love, self-respect, self-nurturing…