Dear @Trevor,

I can relate because this is also how I grew up. My parents used to be overly protective of me when I was younger, to the point where they controlled everything – the kind of friends I was allowed to stay with, the kind of clothes I was supposed to wear, the time I had to be in bed, you name it. I was very envious of my friends because their parents seemed “cool” enough to let them do whatever they wanted to. I was constantly afraid of doing something they wouldn’t approve of, and I couldn’t find the words or courage to tell them how they made me feel.

Because we were living far from the city, I had to move out of my parents’ house right after graduating from high school when I was 17 to go to college. I was very excited because I thought I would finally be free. I thought it would make me happy to finally be able to do whatever I wanted to, just like my friends. But it didn’t turn out as well.

I started doing all the things my parents kept me from doing. It was my way of rebelling after all these years, my way of being “my own boss”. I thought it would make me happy to go to parties, to drink, to curse, to smoke, to spend their money behind their back, to steal, to be like society wanted me to be. I thought I knew better than the ones who made me what was good for me, but I became completely lost and turned into someone I have been ashamed of for a long time. And the worst thing is, I was trying to hide the “new me” to my parents, so they couldn’t help me and save me.
You could say I became an alcoholic, because I couldn’t go a day without drinking an entire bottle of vodka or rum. I stopped showing up in class, failed all of my classes, was put on academic suspension for a whole year, and got fired from my very first job at a great marketing company. Obviously I couldn’t hide myself from my parents anymore, and the much needed talk I have been waiting for years finally came along.

We all sat down, my mother crying hysterically and my father being confused/furious and, well, me being hungover and high. I remember telling them everything I have been doing since I moved out of their house and why I turned into this person. They were disappointed, but explained to me that they raised me the best way they could – at least in their opinion, and would have never imagined it would have pushed me to go against everything they taught me and turned me into this lost person.

It has been five years now since we have had this conversation, and the relationship I have with them today is perfect and I feel so much closer to them. Of course I learned my mistakes, but I also learned to let my parents give me their love – because YES, even if we, children, perceive them as being overly controlling, parents are just trying to show us their love. I learned to accept them as they are, even if I still don’t agree with some things they say or do. Like @Matt said, they will always be your parents and will always look out for you, whether you like it or not. And be thankful that you have someone who is there to guide you and protect you. I used to be jealous of my friends and how their parents let them do everything they wanted, but I now realize I would have felt like my parents didn’t care for me if they were like my friends’ parents.

I am now 24 and live in a different country and continent than my parents. I am much more mature and I know it is my turn to give and show them love as they are getting older. I call them everyday. My friends constantly tell me “OMG I could never talk to my mom everyday, she is so annoying”, well there are days when I don’t feel like talking to my parents either, but I am sure there were days when they didn’t feel like taking me to the park when I was 5 but still did because they LOVE me and wanted me to be HAPPY.

I know it is tough to take a step back and realize that your mom is not a “control freak”, as it has been said in a previous comment, but rather that she is doing the best she can to protect you and show you love. I know how it is to wish we could change our parents, but we cannot and that is a good thing! In a few months or years or decades, when all of this will be behind you, I hope you will be thankful for the way she raised you and looked out for you, even if you didn’t always agree with her.

Emmanuelle